Ubudlelwano obunempilo budinga ukuzidela kanye nokuyekethisa kwesinye isikhathi.
Ungahle ulindele ubusuku bodwa, kodwa yima ukuze unakekele ingane yomlingani wakho ngoba kunesimo esiphuthumayo somndeni.
Ngokufanayo, umlingani wakho kungenzeka ukuthi ukhathele ngokuphelele futhi akafuni lutho olunye ngaphandle kokubamba umdlalo wabo abawuthandayo, kepha bachitha ihora noma ngaphezulu bethatha izinkuni ukuze indlu ifudumale lapho ufika ekhaya.
Ukuzidela okuhle kuyindlela enhle yokuqinisa ubudlelwano.
Lokho kusho ukuthi, lapho omunye umlingani enza ithoni yokuzidela kanti omunye akenzi lokho, lokho kudala ukungalingani okukhulu.
Isibonelo salokhu kungaba ukuthi umlingani wakho aphikelele ukuthi uhlale uvakashela umndeni wabo ngamaholide, kepha wenqabe ukuvakashela owakho naye. Noma bafuna kuphela ukudla uhlobo olulodwa lokudla, futhi bacasuke noma bathukuthele uma ufuna okuhlukile.
Lezi yizibonelo ezimbalwa nje, kunjalo. Kunezinhlobo eziningi zemihlatshelo nokuyekethisa, futhi indlela elula yokuthola umehluko phakathi kokuhle nokubi.
Ungahlukanisa kanjani phakathi komhlatshelo omuhle nokubi?
Ngamagama alula? Ngokuthi uzizwa kanjani emva kwalokho.
Ake sithi unomsebenzi wokuzilibazisa noma owuthandayo owuthandayo, kepha ukubeka eshalofini ukuze kuzuze umlingani wakho. Isibonelo, mhlawumbe banokudla abakuthandayo okubiza kakhulu ukunakekela, ukuze ungathengi izinto zokuzilibazisa ukuze badle ngendlela abafuna ngayo.
Ungazizwa sengathi unomusa futhi uyabasekela inhlalakahle yabo, kodwa uhlupheka ngenxa yalokhu kuzidela. Ngaphezu kwalokho, uma bengakwazisi ngempela lokho okudele, noma bengazideli ngenhlalakahle yakho, ungagcina uzizwe unenzondo enkulu.
Ngakho-ke lapho usudele okuthile, zibuze ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngesinqumo sakho. Yize ukuzisola okuncane kungaphela ngokushesha, uma uzisola ngokuzidela ngendlela enkulu, uzokwazi ukuthi bekungukuzidela okubi okufanele kwenziwe.
Uma ucabanga ukudela umlingani wakho - ukuthuthela kwelinye idolobha ngomsebenzi wabo omusha, isibonelo - zicabange kunoma yisiphi lesi simo esisha futhi uthembeke kabuhlungu kuwe mayelana nokuthi uzozizwa kanjani.
Uma ubona okuhle futhi ubona ukuthi okubi kunganqotshwa, ungazizwa ukwazi futhi uzimisele ukuzidela. Uma ungakwazi, udinga ukutshela umlingani wakho futhi nixoxe ngokungathi sína ngokuthi ngabe lokhu kungukuzidela ozizwa ukwazi ukukwenza.
lapho akasakuthandi
Vele, uma ungazimisele ngokuzidela, mhlawumbe kusho ukuthi uzakwenu kuzofanele enze njalo. Uma ungafuni ukuhambisa ukuze bathathe lo msebenzi omusha, kuzofanele bawenqabe.
Lowo ngumhlatshelo okuzodingeka bawenze, futhi kubalulekile ukuthi ulibone leli qiniso. Ungayikhulumi njengokuncane ngandlela-thile kunomhlatshelo obekufanele ukwenze ngoba nje leso simo esisha besingakabi iqiniso, kepha kube yinto engenzeka, kanti ubudela iqiniso lakho lamanje ukuze wenze lokhu okungakabonakali ngokoqobo.
Yini eyenza ukuzidela okuhle?
Uma ucabanga ngakho, abantu bazidela kancane ngenxa yabanye njalo. Kepha yini ebenza bazinikele “okuhle”?
Lapho leyo mihlatshelo yamukelwa.
Ukwenza imihlatshelo kumlingani wakho kungasiza ekuqiniseni nasekuqiniseni ubudlelwano, inqobo nje uma leyo mihlatshelo ibonakala futhi yamukelwa.
Isibonelo, umlingani onezinkinga zokuthembana kusenesikhathi ebudlelwaneni angabona ukuzidela kwesithandwa sakhe njengobufakazi bokuthi bathembekile. Ukuthi bangathenjwa.
Ngenxa yalokhu, bangazizwa beqiniseka ngokwengeziwe ukuvula futhi bevumela omunye umuntu angene kakhudlwana. Futhi ngokungangabazeki bazokwenzela umuntu abamthandayo ithuba lokuzidela.
Lokhu kuzoholela ekutheni izinhlangothi zombili zibone ukuthi yini enye enikela ngayo ukuze izuze, bese iqinisekisa ukuthi lezo zenzo ziyamukelwa ziphindiselwe.
Uyabona ukuthi leli sondo lokupha liqhubeka kanjani ukujikeleza?
Zimbalwa izinto ezijabulisa inhliziyo nezanelisayo kunangesikhathi lapho umlingani wakho ehlala phansi akwazise ukuthi bakwazisa kangakanani konke obenzela kona. Ukuthi bayayibona imihlatshelo yakho, futhi bafuna ukuqinisekisa ukuthi uyahlonishwa, uyahlonishwa, futhi uyasekelwa naye.
Lapho ujabulile ukuthi umlingani wakho uyajabula.
Isibonelo, singaguqa esifisweni sozakwethu sokubuka i-movie esingenayo intshisekelo kuyo, kunokuphikelela kuleyo ebesiyifuna, ngoba izobenza bajabule. USame uya ngokuvumela omunye ukuthi akhethe indawo yokudlela ukuze aphume nobusuku ndawonye.
Lapho ubudlelwano bulinganisela futhi bunempilo, bobabili abalingani bazokwenzelana lezi zinhlobo zezinto. Imvamisa ngokububula okuthile okudlalayo nokugingqika kwamehlo, kodwa bazokwenza noma kunjalo.
Bangakuthokozela nokubona ukuthi ujabule kangakanani omunye umuntu lapho enza lokho akuthandayo, noma kungemnandi kubo.
Njengesibonelo, uzokwazi ukuthi umlingani wakho uyakuthanda lapho bekukhapha beya emhlanganweni wesifundo abangenandaba nhlobo naso, ukuze bakusekele.
Ngokufanayo, bazokwazi ukuthi unakekela kangakanani lapho ubathengela isipho ongeke ukwazi ukusimela futhi ongafuni ukuphinde usibone, ngoba bakhulume ngaso kaningana futhi ubeke amabhukhimakhi kumasayithi abakuthumelele wona Mayelana nakho.
Okusemqoka lapha ukuthi ukuzidela okwenzela umlingani wakho akuyona into ethinta inhlalakahle yakho nganoma iyiphi indlela enkulu. Uma ubeka injabulo yomlingani wakho ngaphambi kweyakho FUTHI empeleni uzohlupheka kakhulu ngenxa yokuzidela, leyo yindaba ehluke ngokuphelele.
Lapho kusiza ukugcina isibopho phakathi kwabalingani.
Ukunikela ngesikhathi sakho wedwa ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye kuyisibonelo esihle salokhu. Uma nje lokhu kuhlangene, futhi kuyaziswa kakhulu, kungaba uhlobo lomhlatshelo onomusa, omuhle.
Sonke sinezinto eziyisigidi okufanele sizenze nsuku zonke, futhi abaningi bethu bakuthola kunzima ukuthola isikhathi esiningi kithi, uma kukhona.
Ake sithi wena nomlingani wakho nobabili nisebenze amahora amaningi, futhi nasebenza ndawonye ukuze nilalise izingane. Manje sekusebusuku impela, futhi ungathanda ukucwilisa ukugeza ihora lonke, futhi bayafa ukusebenzela iphrojekthi yokudala ngokuthula. Esikhundleni salokho, nina nobabili ninganquma ukuzisonga kusofa nifunde ndawonye ngokuthula, imilenze igqagqene.
Akekho kini owenza lokho kanye okungenzeka ukuthi benikade nifuna ukukwenza kusihlwa, kodwa niyayeka ukuze nikhombise uthando nokwazisa komunye. Lokhu kunempilo futhi 'kuhle,' ngoba kungumsebenzi ohlanganyelwe. Nobabili nidela omunye umuntu, ngokulinganayo, okudala ibhalansi ehambisanayo.
Yini eyenza umhlatshelo omubi?
Ngokuphambene nalokho, njengoba kunezinhlobo ezinhle zomhlatshelo ezingasiza ubudlelwano, kukhona nezinye ezingezinhle ezingabunciphisa kakhulu.
Lapho ukuzidela kwakho kuba okulindelwe.
Ake sithi wenza isidlo sakusihlwa njalo ebusuku inyanga eyodwa, bese ungapheki ngobusuku bokugcina. Uzakwethu ongakwazisi kungenzeka akhohlwe kalula lezo zidlo ezingama-29 noma ezingama-30 ezimangalisayo ozenzile. Esikhundleni salokho, bazogxila ngesikhathi esisodwa lapho ubaphoxe khona.
Bazojwayela leyo ndlela yokuziphatha evela kuwe, futhi ngenxa yalokho, bazothola ukungakhululeki futhi bacasuke lapho kungenzeki.
Esikhundleni sokukubona njengesenzo sothando nomusa - futhi, yebo, ukunikela ngesikhathi sakho namandla - bazobona nje ukuthi 'zinjani izinto.' Kungani bezophindisela uma kuyiyona nto leyo wena wenzeni?
Kungenzeka kungaze kufike kubo ukunikela ngokwenza isidlo sakusihlwa futhi bakunikeze ikhefu lakusihlwa. Futhi kungani kufanele? Lesi yisiko abanethezekile ngalo: manje sekuyilindelo, hhayi into okufanele yaziswe.
Okwabantu abana ulimi lothando yi-Acts of Service , ukuzidela nokwenza okungaphezulu kokudlulela komlingani wabo kungaba yindlela engcono kakhulu yokukhombisa uthando nokuzinikela kwabo. Vele, bazodinga ukuthi lezi zinhlobo zezenzo ziphindiselwe, kungenjalo bazogcina bezizwa bengaziswa futhi besetshenziswa.
Lapho icala likukhubekisa ekwenzeni umhlatshelo.
Noma yikuphi ukuzidela okwenzayo kufanele kube okukhethayo. Kufanele kususelwe enkolelweni yakho yokuthi umhlatshelo uwufanele izinzuzo ezikulethela wena, umlingani wakho, noma ubuhlobo bakho.
Kepha uma umlingani wakho ezama ukukwenza unecala wenze into ongafuni ngempela ukuyenza, lokho akukuhle.
Zingakwenza uzizwe kabi uma uzama ukubancisha okuthile abakufunayo. Bangakhala ngokuthi uyababamba noma ubenza bangajabuli.
Bangaze balethe nemihlatshelo edlule abayenzele yona bezama ukukuthinta.
Kepha uma ufile uphikisana nomhlatshelo othile abakucela ukuthi uwenze, akufanele uzizwe ucindezelekile kuwo ngenxa nje yokuthile okungenzeka bakwenzele kona phambilini.
Lapho zizama ukukwenza uphambane nezindinganiso zakho.
Kunezinto ezithile esizenzayo noma esingazenzi ngoba zihambisana kakhulu nengaphakathi lethu. Lawa amagugu ethu nokuziphatha kanye nezinkolelo zethu, okuthi mhlawumbe kungabekiwe etsheni, kubaluleke kakhulu kithi.
Uma ucabanga ukwenza umnikelo ophikisana nalezi zimiso, nakanjani kuyinto embi ongayenza.
Njengakohambo lwecala, akufanele uzizwe ucindezelekile ukuthi wenze okuthile ngoba nje umlingani wakho ekufuna.
Uma bekuhlonipha, bazokuqonda ukuthi akwamukelekile ukukucela ukuthi uphikisane nezinkolelo ezibalulekile kuwe.
Uma ziqhubeka kungakhathalekile ukuthi uzizwa kanjani, kungadingeka ukuthi ububuze ngokungathí sina ubudlelwano nokuzibophezela komlingani wakho kubo nakuwe.
Lapho unqatshelwa isikhathi nendawo kuwe.
Wonke umuntu udinga ukuba nesikhathi sakhe. Lapho unesikhathi esithile esiyigugu uwedwa, futhi umlingani wakho enza izimfuno ezingenangqondo kuwe ngaleso sikhathi (ikakhulukazi uma bazi ukuthi ufuna ukwehlisa nje amandla bese wenza into yakho), lokho kuyimithunzi eminingi engenampilo.
Lokhu kudabukisa ikakhulukazi uma bekwenza lezi zimfuno kuwe, kepha kuzocaca uma wenze into efanayo kubo.
Abanye ophathina abangazethembi kakhulu abathandi ukuthi abalingani babo babe nesikhathi sodwa ngenxa yezinkinga zabo zokuthembana. Bazocabanga ukuthi ukhuluma nomunye umuntu, noma bazothatha isifiso sakho sokuba wedwa mathupha: ungalokotha kanjani ufuna ukuba wedwa kunokuchitha isikhathi sekhwalithi nabo ?!
Lapho uba yindawo yabo yokulahla ngokomzwelo.
Kungakhathaza kakhulu lapho umlingani ekusebenzisa njalo njengebhodi elizwakalayo ukusebenza ngemizwa yabo enzima. Izinto zikhungathekisa kakhulu futhi zingakhululeki ngokwengeziwe lapho behlanza umthwalo wabo ongokomzwelo ethangeni lakho bese behamba.
Bazozizwa kahle ngoba bavele banciphise ithani lezinkinga zabo zomuntu siqu. Okwamanje, usindwe ngokuphelele yilo lonke idrama yabo, ubenzela umsebenzi wabo ongokomzwelo. Udela inhlalakahle yakho ngokomzwelo ngenxa yabo.
Lokhu akukaze kulunge, ikakhulukazi uma ungahlali ndawonye futhi nini. Abantu abaningi bathola ukuthi bazodela isikhathi sabo sokuphumula esiyigugu ukulalela bonke ubunzima bomlingani wabo, kuphela ukuze balengiswe ngokushesha lapho isithandwa sabo sesiqedile ukukhipha.
Empeleni, onakho konke ukukhungatheka usebenzisa umlingani wakhe njengokwelapha, bese ehamba. Njengokulahla isikhwama esikhulu sikadoti emgqonyeni bese uxubha izandla zakho. 'Kuyangijabulisa ukuthi sekuphelile: omunye umuntu angabhekana nakho manje.'
Uma lokhu kuyinto eyenziwa umlingani wakho kuwe njalo, udinga ukubabiza ngayo.
Lapho isisusa somhlatshelo kungukugwema ukungqubuzana.
Abantu abaqhubeka bezidela kanye nezidingo zabo ebudlelwaneni babo bagcina bengajabule neze.
Baqhubeka becindezela imizwa yabo ngenhloso yokugcina ukuvumelana, futhi babeke eceleni izidingo zabo kanye nezifiso zabo zokuzuzisa umlingani wabo.
Lesi sizathu sokuvumelana lapho sibhekene nemihlatshelo engathandeki asisihle neze. Uma ungazizwa ukwazi ukuzibandakanya kunoma yiluphi uhlobo lokungqubuzana nomlingani wakho ngakho-ke ugoba entandweni yabo njalo, uzodela okuningi okuthandayo nokujabulelayo.
Njengoba ungatholi ukunakekelwa okufanayo, ukuzinikela, nokunikela okuvela komunye umuntu, lokhu kugcina sekunamandla amabi ngendlela elinganiselayo. Umuntu oyedwa uyapha futhi aphe, omunye athathe futhi athathe. Ngemuva kwesikhashana, uma ukunikezwa kungaphindiselwa, lowo mthombo uzoma.
Eqinisweni, ngeke ivele yome nje kuphela: izogcwala uthuli, futhi izinsalela zobudlelwano zizogingqika njengezimbumbulu.
Kuyaqondakala ukuthi abantu kwesinye isikhathi 'bakhetha izimpi zabo' futhi bakhethe ngokuhlakanipha ukuthi baziveze yini izidingo zabo nokukhungatheka. Isibonelo, ukukhononda noma ukungakhalazi lapho umlingani wakho engakwenzi into abacele yona.
Kepha lapho ungakaze ukhethe noma yiziphi izimpi, usuke uxhumana nomlingani wakho ukuthi bangathola abakufunayo njalo futhi benze noma yini abayifunayo ngaphandle kokubuyela emuva.
Lokhu kusiholela kwenye indlela enhle yokutshela ukuthi ngabe izinhlobo zemihlatshelo oyenzayo ebudlelwaneni bakho 'zizinhle' noma 'zimbi.' Mane uzibuze lo mbuzo owodwa:
Ingabe umlingani wakho angenza okufanayo nakuwe?
Uma impendulo inguyebo, khona-ke lolu hlobo lomhlatshelo kungenzeka lusehlangothini olunempilo.
Ngokuphambene nalokho, uma impendulo yalokho ithi “oh hell no,” khona-ke unayo impendulo yakho.
Namanje awunasiqiniseko sokuthi ukuzidela okwenzayo ebudlelwaneni bakho kunempilo noma akunampilo? Xoxa ku-inthanethi kuchwepheshe wezobudlelwano ovela ku-Relationship Hero ongakusiza ukuthola izinto. Kalula.
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- Uma Uthola Lezi Zimpawu ezingama-20, Uzilahlekisela Ebudlelwaneni
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