Amahloni umuzwa ojwayelekile okufanele uzizwe lapho ubhekene nezenzo zakho ezimbi. Kujwayelekile ukuzizwa unamahloni ngamahora ambalwa noma ngisho nezinsuku ngemuva kokwenza okuthile okungalungile okungenisa lowo muzwa.
Amahloni anobuthi ahlukile.
Ukujabha okunobuthi kuvame ukubangelwa ukuhlukunyezwa nokunganakwa kwasebuntwaneni, lapho ingane yenziwa yazizwa ilahliwe, inganakiwe, noma ingamukeleki kubazali bayo.
Umzali kungenzeka ukuthi ubengekho, ebudedengu, esebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa, egula ngengqondo, noma ngenye indlela exinwe kakhulu yizinkinga zakhe ukuba abe ngumzali okhona nothando.
Kungabangelwa nokuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu, ukuhlukunyezwa kwasekhaya, noma ukulutha.
Ihlazo langaphakathi umuntu ahamba nalo lilenga nxazonke futhi kuphazamisa ukuzibona kwabo.
Kwabanye abantu, kungaba ubuntu babo futhi kube nesibopho sezinkinga ezinjenge-codependency, i-PTSD, ukusetshenziswa kabi kwezidakamizwa nokudangala. Kwabanye, ihlala ngaphansi futhi ingadalwa amaphutha noma imizwa yokungafaneleki.
Ukukhomba amahloni anobuthi kungaba nzima ngoba akuhlali kuphakama phezulu, kepha ezinye izimpawu zamahloni anobuthi zifaka phakathi…
1. I-trigger yangaphandle ayidingeki ukubanga amahloni.
Umuntu ophila namahloni anobuthi ngeke adinge ukubangelwa kwangaphandle ukudala ihlazo lakhe. Imicabango yabo ingaletha kuleyo mizwa, kwesinye isikhathi ngaphandle kokubakhona kokuhlangana kwangempela phakathi komcimbi nemizwa.
Noma, uma kunomcimbi, kungahle kungabi namahloni nakancane. Esikhundleni salokho, kuthinta leyo mizwa yokungafaneleki, okususa umuzwa wokuhlazeka.
2. Babhekana nemiklamo enamahloni eholela ekucabangeni okungenampilo ngokweqile.
Kuvunguza amahloni kudlulela kakhulu kunalokho umuntu angakulindela ekuzweleni nje ngamahloni. Umuntu angahlangabezana nokudangala okukhulu, ukuphelelwa yithemba, nokuphelelwa yithemba ngenxa yamahloni akhe njengoba isikhathi siqhubeka, nemicabango yakhe iqhubeka.
3. Amahloni anobuthi ngokuvamile ahlanganisa “indaba eyihlazo.”
Indaba eyihlazo yomuntu ukuthi ingqondo yakhe iyithethelela kanjani imizwa engemihle abanayo ngaye. Lokho kungafaka izinto zokucabanga ezinjengokuthi, 'Umuntu we-X wayeqinisile ngami, ngingudoti.'
Izitatimende kanye nokulandisa okuzungeze leyo micabango kuvame ukukhomba emuva kumthombo wehlazo. Lokho kungafaka imicimbi yobuntwana, ukubhekana nezinkinga zokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa, noma ubudlelwano obonakalisayo.
4. Ihlazo elinobuthi lingahle lingabi nomthombo ocacile futhi ohlukile.
Ihlazo elinobuthi futhi lingaba ngumphumela wokuhlukunyezwa kwesikhathi eside okungenayo i-catalyst eyodwa ethize. Kungaba ngumkhiqizo weminyaka yokuchayeka kulokho kunganaki lapho lolo lwazi lonke lwalunesibopho sokwenza ihlazo eliyingozi.
5. Izimo zemvelo zehlazo zingaba zinde futhi zibe namandla kakhulu.
Kungokwemvelo ukuzwa amahloni lapho senza into esingaziqhenyi ngayo. Umuntu ongenamahloni anobuthi ngeke azizwe enamahloni isikhathi eside kunezinsuku ezimbalwa noma lapho elungisa isenzo sakhe.
Abantu abanamahloni anobuthi bazoyithola isikhathi eside kakhulu, noma ngabe balungisa inkinga ekhuthaze imizwa yangempela yamahloni. Ubukhulu bayo leyo mizwa bungaba bukhulu.
6. Bangazizwa futhi bengafaneleki.
Ukunganeli umzabalazo wabantu abanehlazo elinobuthi. Kungenzeka bangalokothi bazizwe sengathi bakulungele ukuphumelela, abanye abantu, noma izinto ezinhle ezingenzeka empilweni. Bazohlala bezizwa bengafaneleki futhi bathande ukuthi badinga ukuthola indawo yabo ebudlelwaneni.
Lezi zinhlobo zemizwa zingakhuphula ukuxhomekeka futhi zikhiye lowo muntu amaphethini wobudlelwano angenampilo baze bakwazi ukuphula umjikelezo wabo.
7. Bangase babe 'nokukhathazeka ngamahloni.'
Lokho wukuthi, bagxila kakhulu ekuzameni ukungazitholi noma yiluphi uhlobo lwemizwa eyihlazo. Lokhu kungabukeka njengokukhokhelwa ngokweqile ebudlelwaneni, uxolisa ngokweqile kwabanye abantu noma kungekho okubi okwenziwe, noma ngaphambi kokuba kwenziwe okubi.
Umuntu uzokwenza izinguquko endleleni enza ngayo impilo yakhe ukugwema amathuba okuba namahloni, njengokungazibeki engcupheni ebaliwe, ukungafaki isicelo sokunyuswa, ukungabuzi umuntu ngosuku, nokujabulisa abantu.
Bangaba nezinkolelo ezingaguquguquki zokuzikhuluma nezinkolelo ezinamahloni.
Ukuzikhulumela okungekuhle nezinkolelo ezenzelwe amahloni kuzwakala into enjengale:
- Ngingumuntu odoti.
- Angithandeki.
- Angikhangi.
- Angilungile ngokwanele.
- Ngifisa sengathi ngabe angikho.
- Bekungafanele ngizalwe.
- Ngiyisilima , ongazi lutho, noma ongelutho.
- Ngingumgunyathi, ukukhwabanisa.
- Ngizohlala ngingumuntu owesabekayo.
9. Ukucabanga ngokweqile kwabanye.
Ukucabanga okungenampilo, ngokweqile kwabanye abantu kungakhomba ihlazo elinobuthi. Kungaleso sikhathi lapho umuntu ecabanga ngabanye abantu njengabangcono kakhulu kunabo ngenxa yanoma yiziphi izimfanelo abakholelwa ukuthi laba bantu banazo.
Umuntu angazitshela ukuthi abanye abantu bakhanga ngokwengeziwe, bahlakaniphile, noma bangcono. Bangase babe nomuzwa wokuthi abasoze bahlangabezana naleli zinga elingenakwenzeka abazibekela lona. Lokho kungokwakhiwa kokugwema kwabo amahloni.
Kunethuba elincane lokuzizwa unamahloni ngokungaphumeleli uma bebeka ibha kude kakhulu lapho bengeke bakwazi ukukholwa ukuthi kungenzeka kunoma ngubani kodwa abanamakhono kakhulu ukuyifinyelela. Lokho kulungiswa kuba yindlela yokuzivikela engenampilo ebanikeza imvume yokungazami.
Inkinga enkulu ngamahloni anobuthi…
umuntu angashintsha yini owesifazane amthandayo
Yize kunezinkinga eziningi zokuthi amahloni anobuthi angalimaza kanjani umuntu ophila nawo, inkinga enkulu ukungazi ngalezi zindlela zokuziphatha eziyingozi nokuziphatha.
Ngokusebenzisa izindlela zokubhekana nezimbi, baba imikhuba eqinile, okunzima kakhulu ukuyiyeka njengoba isikhathi sihamba.
Izindaba ezimnandi ukuthi amahloni anobuthi angalapheka, futhi le mikhuba iphulwe. Kudinga nje isikhathi esithile nomsebenzi owengeziwe.
Cabanga ukuthi ungahle ube namahloni anobuthi futhi ufune usizo lokukunqoba? Khuluma nomelaphi namuhla ongakwazi ukukuhambisa kule nqubo. Mane uchofoze lapha ukuxhumana nenye.
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