UDkt. Gary Chapman, isazi semvelaphi yabantu nesazi sefilosofi, wabhala incwadi enesihloko esithi Izilimi Ezinhlanu Zothando ngemuva kokusebenza njengomeluleki wemishado iminyaka eminingana.
Ngesikhathi sakhe njengomeluleki, wabona ukuthi iningi lezinkinga zobudlelwano lisuselwa eqinisweni lokuthi abantu baveza futhi baqonde uthando olungokomzwelo ngezindlela ezahlukene.
Unqume ukuthi yize kunezici eziningi ezahlukahlukene zokuchazwa okunjalo, zonke zingaphansi kwezambulela zezilimi ezinhlanu eziyinhloko.
- Amagama Okuqinisekisa
- Izenzo Zenkonzo
- Ukuthola Izipho
- Isikhathi Sekhwalithi
- Ukuthinta ngokomzimba
Lapho abantu bekhuluma ulimi olwehlukile kunolabalingani babo, izenzo zabo zingahunyushwa ngokungeyikho, nezidingo zabo zinganakwa.
Qaphela ukuthi lokhu akuphumi kunoma yiluphi uhlobo lobubi, kepha kunalokho ukungabi nokuqwashisa nokuqonda.
Ake sibheke lezi zilimi zothando ukubona ukuthi zihlanganisani, nokuthi zisho ukuthini ngokuqondana ezingeni eliyisisekelo.
Ngokwenza njalo, singafunda ukubona izenzo zabanye abantu, futhi sikwazi ukufeza izidingo zabo futhi siveze ezethu ngokucacile.
Kepha kuqala…
Thola Izilimi Zakho Zothando (Nazo!)
Sonke sinikeza futhi sithola uthando ngezindlela ezahlukahlukene, kepha sithambekele ekukulinganiseni lokhu ngama-oda ahlukile okubekwa phambili.
Uma ungazi kakade ukuhleleka kwezilimi zakho zothando, singancoma ukuthatha imibuzo lapha ukubona ukuthi uzuza kanjani.
(Futhi ngenkathi ukwenza, thola umlingani wakho, abangane, umndeni, nabanye abantu obathandayo ukuthi nabo bakuthathe!)
Uma usuyithathile, imiphumela yakho izokukhombisa okubaluleke kakhulu kulimi lwakho lothando, ngamaphesenti.
Ungathola amaphesenti aphezulu koyedwa noma amabili, noma ungaba uhlobo lomuntu amaphesenti alo asatshalaliswa ngokulinganayo.
Kunoma ikuphi, le mibuzo izokunikeza ukuqonda okuningi ngokuthi ulunikeza futhi uluthola kanjani uthando.
Ngokulandelanayo, uma wena nabathandekayo bakho senithathe imibuzo, ningahlanganyela imiphumela yenu omunye komunye ukuze nibone ukuthi ubani okhuluma izilimi.
Ngokwenza kanjalo, nonke nizoba ne- 'eureka!' izikhathi zokuphumelela.
Uzokwazi ukubona lapho kuvele khona ukungezwani, futhi uthole ulwazi oluthe xaxa kokuthanda komunye nomunye: kokubili ngendlela abalubonisa ngayo uthando lwabo, nokuthi baluthola kanjani.
Wena nozakwenu kungenzeka, isibonelo, nibe nemiphumela efanayo yamagama okuvuma, isikhathi sekhwalithi, nokunikezwa kwezipho.
Kepha omunye wenu angahle abe nezenzo zensizakalo eziphakeme kakhulu kunokuthinta ngokomzimba, kanti eminye imiphumela yalabo bobabili ihlehlisiwe.
Lokhu kuzokuvumela ukuthi uqonde ukuthi omunye wenu uchuma kakhulu ngokunikeza nokwamukela uthando lomzimba, kanti omunye uzwakalisa uthando nokunakekela ngokwenza izinto zomlingani wakho.
Ukuqonda umehluko onjalo kungavula iso ngempela, futhi kuninike nobabili ithuba lokubona imizamo yomunye nomunye, nezidingo zomunye nomunye kuleyo ndaba.
Ake sibhekisise ulimi ngalunye lwezothando.
Amagama Okuqinisekisa
Uma uwuhlobo lomuntu othola ama-fuzzies afudumele ngaphakathi lapho abathandekayo bakho bekutshela ukuthi bayakuthanda futhi bayakwazisa, khona-ke amagama okuvuma angaba ulimi lwakho oluyinhloko lothando (noma okungenani eyodwa kwezintathu eziphezulu!).
Abantu abakhombisa futhi bathole uthando lwabo ngokuyinhloko ngamazwi bavame ukubhala amakhadi, izincwadi, namanothi amancane kubalingani babo nasemalungwini omndeni.
Bazothumela imibhalo engahleliwe ukuze nje bafinyelele futhi baxhumane emini, futhi bangaze babhale izinkondlo ukuze baziveze.
Uma ulimi lothando lomlingani wakho luhlobene nezwi, kungenzeka baphendule kahle uma ubatshela ukuthi ubathanda kangakanani futhi ubazisa kangakanani.
Ungaqiniseka ukuthi uma ubabhalela izincwadi namakhadi, bazokwaziswa kuze kube phakade.
Vele wazi ukuthi bazofaka inhliziyo yabo nomphefumulo wabo kumanothi amancane abakubhalela wona, kanye nesikhathi abasithathayo ukukutshela ukuthi bazizwa kanjani.
ungaba kanjani intombi enhle
Uma ungathathi isikhashana ukubazisa ukuthi bayezwakala, bangavala ngoba bazozwa ukuthi imizamo yabo ayaziswa.
Funda kabanzi ngokuzinikela kwethu Amagama Wokuqinisekisa Ulimi Lothando ikhasi.
Izenzo Zenkonzo
Uyazi lowo muzwa omncane ojabulayo owutholayo lapho umuntu akwenzela okuthile okuhle?
Asikhulumi ngesipho ongasilindele, kepha kunalokho ... njengalapho umakhelwane esusa iqhwa emgwaqeni wakho ngaphandle kokucelwa, noma umaqondana wakho ekwenzela inkomishi yetiye ngendlela othanda ngayo, ngoba nje bekuzwile ' d jabulela eyodwa.
Lezi yizibonelo ezimbalwa nje zezenzo zomsebenzi, futhi zingasho umhlaba kulabo abanalokhu njengolimi lwabo lokuqala lothando.
Uma lolu kuwulimi lomlingani wakho, bangahle benze okusemandleni abo bakwenzele izinto ongathandi ukuzenzela zona, ngoba kubo, lokho kusho ukunciphisa umthwalo wakho kancane.
Bazise ukuthi uyazi ukuthi bakwenzeleni wena, nokuthi ubazisa kangakanani ngakho.
Ngokuphambene nalokho, ukungavunywa kwezenzo zabo kungalimaza, ngoba bazozwa sengathi imizamo yabo ayibonwa.
Qaphela konke abakwenzela kona, ukhanyise izinhliziyo zabo kancane ngokubenzela izinto ngokulandelana kwabo.
Funda kabanzi ngokuzinikela kwethu Izenzo Zenkonzo Zolimi Lothando ikhasi.
Ukuthola Izipho
Kwabanye abantu, ukwamukela - nokunikela - amathokheni abonakalayo othando nothando kusho konke konke.
Babona lezi zinto njengezimo zomzimba, futhi bazohlakulela izinamathiselo ezingakholeki kubo.
Eqinisweni, abantu abanokuthambekela kokuzikhandla bangaba nalokhu njengolimi lwabo lokuqala lothando. Ukudla komcabango!
Manje, uma umuntu omthandayo ebheka ukupha izipho njengengxenye ebalulekile ebudlelwaneni bakho, lokho akusho ukuthi ulindele ukuthi ubathambise ngezingqweqwe ezibizayo nezibiliboco.
Uma kukhulunywa iqiniso, kwenzeka okuphambene nalokho.
Kungenzeka ukuthi bajabule ngokweqile uma ubalethela idwala elithakazelisayo olithole ohambweni, ngoba ulithole lihle futhi likukhumbuze ngabo.
Noma into eyisilima oyithathe ohambweni lwebhizinisi.
Ngokuyinhloko, noma iyiphi inketho ebonakalayo abangayihlanganisa nenkumbulo noma imizwa ngawe.
Bazofaka nomcabango nomzamo omkhulu kuzipho abakunika zona. Ngokunjalo, bazobuka ngokulangazelela okukhulu ukubona ukuthi uzokwenzenjani kulokho abakunikeza kona, futhi kungalimaza uma ungenayo intshiseko nokwazisa ngemizamo yabo.
Funda kabanzi ngokuzinikela kwethu Ukuthola Izipho Uthando Lolimi ikhasi.
Isikhathi Sekhwalithi
Sizwa okuningi mayelana 'nesikhathi sekhwalithi,' kepha kusho ukuthini ngempela?
Kubantu abaningi, kusho isikhathi esingaphazanyiswa nalowo abamthandayo, benza izinto ndawonye njengombhangqwana.
Lokhu kungaba yinto esebenzayo, njengokwenza iphrojekthi yokudala ndawonye, noma ukwenziwa, njengokubuka i-TV noma ama-movie ndawonye.
Kunoma ikuphi, kubandakanya ukwabelana nesikhathi nendawo ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka.
Uma ulimi lothando lomlingani wakho luyisikhathi sekhwalithi, beka ifoni yakho lapho uchitha isikhathi nabo, futhi ugxile ngokuphelele ekubeni / ukusebenzisana nabo okwamanje.
Lokhu kumayelana nani nobabili: akukho okunye.
Kungakhathaza futhi kube buhlungu lapho uzama ukuchitha isikhathi nomuntu omkhathalelayo futhi engekho ngokugcwele nawe.
Kungakho ukubeka eceleni isikhathi esiqinile, esihleliwe sokuchitha ndawonye kubaluleke kangaka.
Lapho nenza omunye nomunye eze kuqala, niqinisa ukuthi ningabantu ababaluleke kakhulu ezimpilweni zomunye nomunye.
Konke - nawo wonke umuntu - okunye kungalinda.
Funda kabanzi ngokuzinikela kwethu Ikhwalithi Yesikhathi Sothando Lolimi ikhasi.
Ukuthinta ngokomzimba
Lokhu kungenzeka ukuthi kuyazichaza impela, kepha ake sikucubungule kancane noma kunjalo.
Mayelana nobudlelwano bezothando, ukuthintwa ngokomzimba kuqhuba okubanzi kusuka ekucingeni ihlombe lomlingani wakho ngothando lapho udlula, kuya ekusondelaneni ngokocansi.
Ukugona, ukuqabulana, ukushintshana ngokubhucungwa, ngisho nokugqagqana nje kwemilenze lapho kufundwa noma kubukelwa ifilimu ndawonye konke kuwela ngaphansi kwalesi sambulela.
Ebudlelwaneni be-platonic / bomndeni, lolu hlobo lolimi lothando olungokomzwelo lungakhonjiswa ngokugonana, ukugonana, nokuxubha izinwele, njengezibonelo ezimbalwa.
Kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi umuntu osondelene nawe unalo yini lolu limi njengenye yezindlela zakhe eziyinhloko zokuveza / isidingo, ngoba uma engatholi ukuthintana okwanele ngokomzimba, angazizwa enganakiwe.
Eqinisweni, ukugodlela umuntu uthando oludinga ukuze uzizwe uthandwa kunganqamula ekuhlukunyezweni.
Lokhu kungaba nzima kothile onenhliziyo ethintekayo ukuthi angathinta, njengoba engaba namahloni emizamweni yomunye yokubanga noma ukubanga, futhi bacasuke uma bezizwa bephoqelekile ukubonisa uthando lomzimba.
Funda kabanzi ngokuzinikela kwethu Ulimi Oluthinta Uthando Lomzimba ikhasi.
Kwenzekani Lapho Abantu Bekhuluma Izilimi Ezahlukene Zothando?
Ngamagama alula, lokho umuntu oyedwa angakuthatha njengokuthanda ngokumangalisayo nokunikela kungahle kungabi yilokho omunye akudingayo noma akufunayo, futhi ngokufanayo.
UDkt. Chapman uthole ukuthi lapho umuntu elinyazwa okuthile okwenziwe umlingani wakhe (noma ehluleka ukukwenza), okuphambene nalokho kulimala ulimi lwabo lothando.
Into efanayo iya kulokho okucelwa kakhulu kuzakwethu, kanye nalokho okuvame ukuboniswa.
Isibonelo, ake sithi ulimi oluyinhloko lomuntu oyedwa luthinta / luthando lomzimba, futhi olwabalingani babo ukupha izipho.
Uzakwethu # 1 angazizwa enganakiwe uma engangiwa noma anga ngokwanele, futhi angazizwa ephatheke kabi lapho uzakwethu # 2 “nje” ebanikeza izipho esikhundleni sothando lomzimba.
Okwamanje, Uzakwethu # 2 - olimi lwabo oluyinhloko oluthinta ukupha / ukwamukela - uqhubeka ezama ukukhombisa uthando lwabo ngezipho ezincane ezicatshangelwayo.
Bazozizwa bedabukile futhi benqatshiwe uma izipho zabo zingabongwa, futhi bangazizwa belimele ngokuthi abazitholi izinto ngokulandelana kwazo.
Banemibono ehlukene kakhulu nokulindelwe mayelana nokuthi balubonisa futhi baluthole kanjani uthando.
Futhi uma bengaqondi ngempela ukuthi umlingani wabo angahle aphikisane ngokuqhathaniswa nolimi lwezothando, bangahle babhekane nemizwa ebuhlungu nemizwa yokudumazeka, ngoba bengaboni noma baqonde ukuthinta komunye nomunye.
Ekugcineni, indlela elula yokuqonda konke lokhu ibinzana elilula:
'Uma ufuna ukukhombisa uthando kothile, khona-ke kufanele ukhombise uthando ngolimi olufanayo naloyo muntu akhombisa uthando.'
Ingabe lokho kunengqondo?
Uma sizinika isikhathi sokubheka nokuqaphela ukuthi abantu ezimpilweni zethu balubonisa kanjani uthando nothando, singaqonda kangcono ukuthi singabakhombisa kanjani uthando kubo nabo.
Ithuba Lokuqonda Okukhulu Nokuxhuma
Njengazo zonke ezinye izinhlobo zobudlelwano phakathi kwabantu, ukuxhumana nokubekezela kubaluleke kakhulu.
Ngokungeziwe ekuhlolweni kohlobo lobuntu njengoMyers-Briggs, ukuhlolwa kwezilimi zothando kungasiza abantu ukuthi baqoqe ukuqonda okukhulu nokuqwashisa kuzo zonke izinhlobo zobudlelwano phakathi kwabantu.
Noma ngabe uzama ukuba nesibopho esingcono sabazali / sabantwana, noma inhloso yakho ukuqinisa ubudlelwano bakho bezothando, ukuqonda izidingo zomunye nomunye ezihlobene nothando, okulindelwe, nezisho kungaba wusizo kubo bonke abathintekayo.
Usenemibuzo mayelana nezilimi ezinhlanu zothando? Xoxa ku-inthanethi kuchwepheshe wezobudlelwano ovela ku-Relationship Hero ongakusiza ukuthola izinto. Kalula.
