Ezincwadini eziningi nakuma-movie, izingxoxo zigeleza kalula, ngobuhlakani, futhi imvamisa ngokuqonda okugcwele phakathi komuntu ngamunye othintekayo.
Empilweni yangempela, izingxoxo ziyaphazamiseka ekuhambeni kokugeleza bese ziqala kabusha endaweni enganqunyelwe kamuva.
Empilweni yangempela, abantu abazi nakancane ukuthi bathini, kodwa bazi ngokujule nangokuphoqelekile ukuthi banokuthile ngaphakathi okufanele kuphume.
Empilweni yangempela, imvamisa - imvamisa - abantu ababili bangacabanga ukuthi baxoxa ngesihloko esisodwa, kepha umuntu ngamunye unombono ohlukile wokuthi siyini leso sihloko.
Isici sokulungela kwengqondo, ukukhathala ngokomzimba, isikhathi, indawo, isimo, ukuqhathanisa okwedlule, umthelela esikhathini esizayo, isimo sobudlelwano, nezinye izingcezu eziningi kakhulu ukuba singazibiza, futhi umphumela awunakuphikwa: kuningi okushiwoyo kulo mhlaba wethu, kepha kungakanani okuqondakalayo?
Lezi yizithiyo eziyi-8 nje kuphela ezithinta indlela yokuxhumana ngempumelelo.
1. Ukunganaki
Lokhu kungabonakala kuyisithiyo esisobala kakhulu phakathi kwezinhlangano ezikwazi ukuxhumana zodwa.
Ukuze kukhulunywe kahle, isikhulumi nomlaleli kufanele banake omunye nomunye. Lokhu kufaka ukunaka isihloko esiseduze, ukuqwashiswa kwezimpawu zomzimba, kanye nokuqwashisa ngokomzwelo.
Kodwa-ke, abantu abaningi babheka izingxoxo njengokufana okuncane, benganaki kangako izinkomba noma eminye imibono.
Noma bakhuluma ngezinto abazi kangako ngazo, benganakile ukuthola ulwazi oludingekayo.
Ukunaka kwenziwa kangcono ngaphambi kokuvula umlomo womuntu. Kuyindlela yokuba nelukuluku ngokwanele lokufuna ukwazi izinto ngomhlaba.
Abantu abanelukuluku lokunaka bathambekele ekubeni izingxoxo ezinhle. Uma bezwela namazinga okududuza alabo ababazungezile, bangaba izingxoxo ezihlukile.
Isibonelo, uma ngesikhathi sengxoxo ethokozisayo uMuntu A aqaphela ukuzulazula kwengqondo yomuntu (okufakazelwa, mhlawumbe, nguMuntu B odinga izinto eziphindaphindwayo), futhi abuye abone ukuthi uMuntu B uyagobhoza ngokungazi noma ucwayiza ngendlela engaphezu kokujwayelekile, ingxoxo ingaqondiswa ukuma kwe-pit pit, okushiya uMuntu B ezizwa ekhululekile futhi ezethemba ukuthi ingxoxo izoqhubeka lapho igcine khona.
2. Ukungakhulumi Ngokuzethemba
Lapho sisebancane, sisebenzisa u- “like” izikhathi eziyikhulu emizuzwini emibili, noma u- “um” no “uh-huh.” Imilomo emincane ayinakho ukuzethemba ukuthatha isikhathi sokuhlanganisa imicabango yabo emazwini abo.
Izindlebe ezindala, noma kunjalo, ngokuvamile zithola ukuthi labo ababamba izindawo ezinamazwi bangamaqhubu asheshayo emizileni yokuxoxa.
Lapho amagama esibalekela engxoxweni, kufanele sizethembe ngokwanele ukusho njalo. Ukwesaba ukumisa ingxoxo wukwesaba okungenangqondo okuvimbele abaningi ukushintshana okungenzeka kube mnandi.
Futhi kulabo abakhuluma sengathi isitatimende ngasinye singumbuzo, baguqula inkambo yengqondo futhi ungumnikazi wamazwi akho izothola izimpendulo ezimbalwa ezicasulayo, eziqinisekisiwe.
Ukucela imvume yokukhuluma imicabango yomuntu akuyona inhloso yengxoxo yokwabelana ukuthi singobani, esikwaziyo, futhi (okubaluleke kakhulu) ukuthi singathanda ukwazi ini, yikho.
3. Ukungaziphathi Ngokuzethemba
Abanye abantu bazobheka ngamabomu noma yikuphi kodwa kumuntu abakhuluma naye, futhi kuhle ukubheja labo bantu bazibuze ukuthi kungani ukunqatshelwa ukunakwa kushesha kangaka kulokhu abakushoyo.
Abantu bangabaxhumanisi ababukwayo njengoba nje bekhuluma. Ngaphezu kwe ulimi lomzimba , ukubheka iso kubaluleke kakhulu engxoxweni ephumelelayo.
Lokhu akusho ukwenza ukuzijwayeza ukubhoboza. Kulula kakhulu, kusho ukubheka omunye umuntu njengomuntu ovunyelwe ukungena esikhaleni esisondelene esidingekayo engxoxweni yeqiniso.
Bheka amehlo abo, izinkulumo zabo, futhi unake nezingubo zabo (umuntu ogqoke izingubo ezimnandi nezicathulo ungumuntu olungele ukukhuluma).
Ukugwema ukuxhumana kwamehlo izokwenza njalo 'ukubukeka' kugudluke, kungakhululeki, noma - okubi nakakhulu - kungabi nantshisekelo, okuholele ekuqabukeni kokuxoxa ngokufa.
4. Izidakamizwa
Kuchaziwe: “Isici sokuba nzima ukuphatha noma ukunqoba.”
Lesi ngesinye sezithiyo ezinkulu ekuxhumaneni. Emizamweni yayo yokuba namandla, inkani ihlwanyela imizwa yokungajabuli phakathi kwabo bonke abathintekayo.
Sonke siyabazi abantu asebenqumile entweni ethile futhi abangeke bathonywe amaqiniso noma impikiswano enengqondo.
Lesi simo sengqondo 'sokuma umile' siholela abanye ukuthi bacabange ngabantu abanjengo 'Kungani uzihlupha?' amacala.
Kungani uzihlupha ngokuzama ukuba nengxoxo lapho kungekho okushiwoyo okuzobalulekile kubantu abanjalo?
Awekho amandla esimilo ekubeni nenkani. Ukukhuluma ngokungagwegwesi, izikhathi eziyisishiyagalolunye kwezilishumi, eyodwa imane iphume njengejerali lokuqeda.
Ungahle uthande (i-athikili iyaqhubeka ngezansi):
- Izindlela Ezi-8 Abesilisa Nabesifazane Abaxhumana Ngokwehlukile
- Izimfihlo eziyi-8 Zokuxhumana Okusebenzayo
- Izilinganiso ezingama-45 Zokuxhumana Ukuletha Ukuvumelana Kubathandi, Abangane, Umndeni, Nosebenza Nabo
- Ungaphikisana Kanjani Nezihloko Ezijulile, Eziyinselele Ngaphandle Kokuba Impikiswano Eshubile
- Ungakhuluma Kanjani Ngokucacile, Yeka Ukumemeza, Futhi Uzwakale Njalo
- 18 Amagama Anentshisekelo Ukuwafaka Esichazamazwini Sakho Sengqondo
5. Ukuzibophezela
Kwesinye isikhathi, njengokuba nenkani, abantu bakhetha izinhlangothi ngokuya ngezizathu ezibucayi, bese bezizwa bephoqelekile ukuthi bavikele ukuthembeka kwabo kulimaze ukuxhumana kwangempela.
Lokhu kuthembeka kungaba ngezepolitiki, ezenkolo, okomuntu siqu - akunandaba. Okubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi ukwethembeka okungahloliwe kuyisicupho kunokukhululeka.
Uma ingxoxo izoba nokuhlobana okuthile, ayikwazi ukuba uchungechunge lwamaphoyinti okukhulunywa ngekhanda, ama-bluster, noma ukungavumi ukwehlisa.
6. Uthando
Masiphikisane umzuzwana. Uthando kufanele lube yi-The Great Opener Of Souls, kodwa ngiphakamisa ukuthi abantu abaningi basebenzise 'uthando' njengendlela yokubalekela ingxoxo abangabhekana nayo beziveza.
Amathuba amahle kakhulu ukuthi kwesinye isikhathi sike sezwa umthandi ethi 'Asidingi amagama,' ngoba i-LO O-V-E.
Futhi kwabanye bethu, lokho kuyasebenza empeleni. Abanye bethu kunjalo sizwelana nabathandi bethu ukuthi amagama kwesinye isikhathi angena endleleni.
Nokho, kuningi lethu, siyawadinga amazwi ethu. Siyawadinga amazwi.
Ukukhuluma akufanele kube ngumsebenzi ophakathi kwezinhliziyo, kufanele kubhekwe njengobulili noma kusihlwa kuthule ekhaya.
Uthando kufanele luhlale luvusa izingxoxo, lungalokothi lubaqede.
7. Umdidiyeli
Uma ukhuluma ngokuvaleleka, ayikho indlela yokungazizwa ubhajwe lapho ukhuluma nomuntu ohlukanisile.
Lona umuntu 'Kahle, empeleni' empilweni yakho. Lo nguyena one-dissertation ekulungele ukuwela ezindlebeni zakho lapho ucasulwa okuncane.
Lo nguyena futhi ozibuza ukuthi kungani abantu abaningi kangaka kufanele babe kwenye indawo lapho evula umlomo wakhe.
Izingxoxo kufanele kube ukuhwebelana ngezindlela ezimbili, hhayi izinkulumo ezihamba ngezinyawo.
Kodwa-ke abaningi bazithathela bona ukuthi ngubani-ukuthi-nini-lapho-kungani-nokuthi abantu benze kanjani ngaphakathi kwe-intshi yokubekezela kwalabo bantu.
Kwesinye isikhathi lokhu kuhlolwa kokubekezela kwenziwa ngenhloso, kwesinye isikhathi kungumphumela wokunganakwa, kepha umphumela wokugcina uhlala ubacasula labo abasemkhawulweni wokuthola.
Uzizwa sengathi kunesidingo sokusho yonke into ngaso sonke isikhathi ubhiya ngaphezu kokuthinta okuncane ukungazethembi , futhi ukwenza njalo ucela abanye ukuthi bahlale buthule kuze kube kuqedwa ukubusa, ngemuva kwesikhathi bangavuma ukungazi kwabo futhi babonge ukuhlakanipha okulahliwe.
Lokhu kuzohlala kushiya isizungu sokuxoxisana sinesizungu.
u-zelina vega njengo-aj lee
8. Ukungazweli
Lokhu kufana nokunaka, kepha kuyahluka ngokuthi umuntu ongenazwela uvame ukungena ezintweni eziqashelwe ukuze azisebenzisele inzuzo ethile ecatshangelwayo (nejezisayo).
Lapho sizwa othile ethi 'Njengommeli kasathane,' siyazi ukuthi kungenzeka sinikezwe inqwaba yokungabi naluzwela njengombono ovulekile.
Lapho sizwa othile ethi 'Ngakho-ke lokhu okushoyo,' siyazi ukuthi sesizocaciswa kabi kabuhlungu ukuze umuntu ongazweli akwazi ukusiphonsa ngezinsimbi.
Lapho sizwa othile ethi 'Ngokusobala awukwazi ukuthatha ihlaya,' asazi ukuthi kukhona okuhlekisayo okuqhakazile.
Abangazweli abafuni ukuxhumana okusebenzayo, bafuna ukubhula, ukuzibandakanya, nokugxila.
Ukuthula Kuyigolide
Sonke sifuna ukuzwakala, kepha lokho akumele kuze ngezindleko empeleni ukulalela abanye .
Ukuxhumana okusebenzayo kusho, empeleni, 'Umuntu kumuntu: ngiyakubona.'
Ikhono lokuxhumana nomunye yisipho esikhulu kunazo zonke esinazo, ngoba ngalo siyabanzi, asinqunyelwe ukuthi sixhumekile, asihlukanisiwe.
Ngakho-ke, kwesinye isikhathi umgoqo omkhulu wokuzwa omunye umuntu engqondweni, emzimbeni, nasemphefumulweni, ukukhohlwa ukuthi, ngenkathi imilomo yethu ivuleka ngempela, nayo ingavala kalula uma kunesidingo.
