Ungalokothi uxolise, ungalokothi uchaze.
Lesi sicaphuno esidumile sifakwa kubantu abaningi, kusuka kosaziwayo bezamafilimu kuya kosopolitiki.
Isikhathi eside, abantu abaningi abanethonya kungenzeka bakubone lokhu njengesimo esivumelekile nesamukelekayo.
Akusenjalo!
Lona kanye umqondo usuphelelwe yisikhathi ezweni lanamuhla futhi kufanele uthathwe njengokuziqhenya okungenakubekezelelwa.
Manje sekuqondwa kangcono futhi kwamukelwa ukuthi sonke asiphelele futhi sivame ukwehluleka okulindelwe thina nokwabanye.
Ngakho-ke, kungokwemvelo ukuthi ukuxolisa okusuka enhliziyweni kuyadingeka noma nini lapho siye sanyathela imizwa yomunye umuntu, ngisho singaqondile.
Lokho kwenzelwa ubudlelwano bethu obusondelene nalabo abasemsebenzini.
Kungumqondo ocacile ocacile ukukhombisa ukuthobeka okufanele ezweni lanamuhla.
Ukuxolisa okuqotho kuyadingeka ukukhombisa ukuzisola kwangempela ngokuthize okwenze kabi.
Zisebenza futhi njengomsele wokulungisa ubudlelwano.
Kepha, nansi into: ukuxolisa akukaze kube lula futhi imiphumela emibi engaba khona lapho ihambela kabi inkulu.
Futhi, noma ngabe umuntu olimele wamukela ukuxolisa kwakho , kungathatha isikhathi eside ngaphambi kokuba uxolelwe ngokweqiniso - inqubo engaphuthumi.
Kwesinye isikhathi, lapho ukuxolisa kungayi ohlelweni, ungagcina wenze okubi kakhulu kunokuhle.
Umgodi ozigebhele wona uqhubeka ngokujula, noma ngabe wenzani.
Lokho kungenxa yokuthi yonke inqubo yokuxolisa empeleni iyinkimbinkimbi ngokwengqondo kunalokho ongase ucabange, yingakho sivame ukukuthola kungalungile.
Kukhokha izinzuzo ukuthatha isikhathi esincane ukubheka ukuthi ungasho kanjani ukuthi uxolile ngendlela yokuthi omunye umuntu akukholwe futhi akusemukele.
Ukuxolisa okuhle kusiza ukuqala kwenqubo yokwelashwa.
Qhubeka ufunde ukuze ufunde amanye amathuluzi wokukudlulisa emsebenzini onzima nobuhlungu wokuxolisa ngomphumela omuhle kakhulu.
Yini eyenza ukuxolisa okuhle?
Isazi sezengqondo nomlobi othengisa kakhulu uBeverly Engel ukhomba izinto ezintathu ezihlukene zokuxolisa okusebenzayo encwadini yakhe Amandla Okuxolisa: Izinyathelo Zokuphilisa Ukuguqula Bonke Ubudlelwano Bakho .
Uzifingqa ngobunono njengama-R amathathu: ukuzisola, umthwalo wemfanelo, nekhambi.
Uma ufuna ukuxolisa kwakho kufinyelele uphawu futhi kwamukelwe njengobuqotho futhi olunzulu, kufanele uqiniseke ukuthi umaka wonke amabhokisi amathathu.
Ake sicabangele ama-Rs amathathu ngamunye ngamunye…
Ukuzisola
Uyazi ukuthi ubangele umuntu ukuthi alimaze noma wenze izinto zibe nzima kuye ngandlela thile futhi uyazi ukuthi ukuxolisa kufanele.
Vele, okwenzile noma okushilo kungenzeka akulimazanga ngamabomu, kepha lokho kwaba umphumela.
Manje usugcwele ukuzisola noma ukuzisola.
Udinga ukuhambisa lowo mlayezo kumuntu omlimazile, ngokuzwakalayo nangokucacile.
Indawo enhle yokuqala kuyinto efana nale:
'Ngiyaxolisa kakhulu ngobuhlungu engikubangele bona.'
Isibopho
Udinga ukusho ngokusobala ukuthi wena thatha umthwalo ophelele ngezenzo zakho (noma ukuntuleka kwayo) okubangele ukulimala.
Ungakucacisa lokho ngesitatimende esifana nalokhu:
'Ngiyaxolisa kakhulu, ngenze into engenazaba futhi ngiyabona ukuthi ikuphathe kabi kakhulu.'
Ikhambi
Okwenziwe kwenziwe futhi akukwazi ukuhlehliswa.
Lokho kusho, udinga ukukhombisa ukuzimisela ukwenza konke okusemandleni ukukhawulela imiphumela yomonakalo owudalile.
Ngakho-ke, engxenyeni yokugcina yokuxolisa kwakho okunengqondo, udinga ukubeka inhloso yakho ecacile yokulungisa… isithembiso sokusiza noma isithembiso hhayi ukwenza iphutha elifanayo futhi :
“Ngiyaxolisa ukuthi ngikushiye uphezulu futhi womile ngoba bengephuzile. Ngiyathembisa ukuthi ngeke ngiphinde ngikwenze lokho. ”
Ama-R amathathu ayindlela elusizo yokufingqa inqubo, kepha indaba yokuxolisa iyinkimbinkimbi futhi isinika iwebhu yezingibe ezingaba khona.
ric flair vs hulk hogan
Kukhona zonke izinhlobo zezinye izinto okufanele uzicabangele.
Isibonelo, ingabe imininingwane efana nesikhathi nesikhathi nokushukuma komzimba ikuthinta ngqo ukuthi ukuxolisa kuphumelela kangakanani?
Futhi uma kungenakwenzeka ukuxolisa mathupha, ingabe ukuxolisa okubhaliwe kungafinyelela umphumela ofanayo?
Ake sikhethe le nkundla yezimayini imikhuba eminye kancane bese sizama ukuyibeka kahle ngokuyithatha igxathu negxathu.
Isinyathelo sokuqala - Ukulungiselela
Ukuzinika isikhathi sokucabanga ukuthi uzoxolisa kanjani ngaso sonke isikhathi isikhathi esisetshenziswe kahle.
Konke okuhlangenwe nakho kuncike ekutheni abantu ababili bavame ukubona isimo esifanayo ngokuhluke kakhulu.
Lapho uxolisa, kubalulekile ukwamukela nokwamukela ukuthi ‘iqiniso’ lomunye umuntu liyindlela ababona ngayo, ngisho noma ungavumelani ngempela ukuthi baqinisile.
Ngaso sonke isikhathi cabanga ngokuxolisa ngokwegama elithi 'Mina' futhi ungalokothi 'wena / wakho,' ngoba yizenzo zakho ezingaphansi kwesibonakhulu futhi kufanele wamukele umthwalo wazo.
Kulula ukuthi, 'Ngiyaxolisa ukuthi ubucasukile,' isibonelo.
Kodwa-ke, lesi sitatimende empeleni siphika umthwalo wakho wemfanelo ngokusho ukuthi bekuyinkinga yomunye umuntu.
Ukushintsha igama elithi 'wena' kuthi 'Mina' kwenza umehluko omkhulu:
'Ngiyaxolisa ukukucasula.'
Ushintsho oluncane, kepha olubaluleke kangaka.
Kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukuthethelela kanye / noma ukuthethelela ukuziphatha kwakho, kodwa iqiniso ukuthi ukwenza kanjalo kungabukela phansi ubuqotho bokuxolisa kwakho.
Icebo lokuqinisekisa ukuthi uyavuma ukuthi wenzeni omunye umuntu ngaphambi kokuba uzame ukuchaza izizathu zokuthi kungani ukwenzile noma ukusho okushilo.
Ukuthethelela kungumphumela omkhulu uma wena…
1. Vuma umonakalo owenziwe.
2. Nikeza izaba kuphela ngemuva kokuthi wamukele umthwalo wemfanelo.
3. Yazi okufanele ngabe ukwenzile futhi ubaqinisekise ukuthi ngeke kuphinde kwenzeke.
Qaphela Izwi ‘kodwa’
Ngezwi lezinhlamvu ezintathu kuphela, isihlanganisi 'kodwa' sifaka isibhakela impela uma kukhulunywa ngokubukela phansi ukuxolisa kwakho.
Leli gama elincane yilokho okwaziwa njenge- okusula ngamazwi .
Kususa ukugxila endaweni yokuxolisa (ukuvuma umthwalo nokuzwakalisa ukuzisola) kuya ekuziphatheni kwakho.
Amathuba ukuthi abantu bazoyeka ukulalela lapho bezwa igama elithi 'kodwa' futhi ukuxolisa kwakho kuzoba yize futhi kungabi nalutho.
Esikhundleni sokuthi:
'Ngiyaxolisa, kodwa bengizizwa ngicindezelekile,'
ungabuqeda kanjani ubudlelwano besikhathi eside
shintshela ekubuyisaneni okuningi:
“Ngiyaxolisa ngokulahlekelwa umoya wami. Ngiyazi ukuthi lokho kwakulimaza futhi kungadingekile. Benginengcindezi futhi ngisho izinto engizisolayo ngazo. ”
Ungahle uthande (i-athikili iyaqhubeka ngezansi):
- Indlela Yokucabanga Ngaphambi Kokukhuluma
- Ungazixolela Kanjani: 17 Azikho Izeluleko zeBullsh * t!
- Ungayakha Kanjani Futhi Uzuze Ukuthembana Ngemuva Kokuqamba Amanga Kuzakwethu
- Izeluleko Ezingu-10 Zokusiza Abashadile Ukuxhumana Ngokuphumelelayo Ebudlelwaneni Babo
- Ungakhombisa Kanjani Ukuhlonipha Abanye (+ Kungani Kubalulekile Ekuphileni)
- Okwenza Abanye Abantu Bangaze Baxolise Noma Bavume Ukuthi Abalungile (Futhi Ungabhekana Kanjani Nabo)
Isinyathelo Sesibili - Isikhathi nendawo
Izinto ezibalulekile nezizwelayo njengokuxolisa zidinga ukunikezwa isikhathi esifanele ukusetshenzelwa.
Uma bephuthuma, akuvamile ukuthi basebenze.
Njengoba sifundile, kukhona labo Rs abathathu - ukuzisola, umthwalo wemfanelo, ikhambi - ukudlula, futhi lokho kuthatha isikhathi.
Kubalulekile-ke ukuthi ukhethe isikhathi lapho uzokwazi ngempela ukugxila ekuxoliseni nakumuntu oxolisa kuye.
Noma yikuphi ukuphazamiseka, okungokomzimba noma kwengqondo, kuzonciphisa ukusebenza kwawo kakhulu.
Ukuthola endaweni ethile ethule, lapho ungakhuluma ngokukhululeka ngaphandle kweziphazamiso, kubalulekile.
Ubumfihlo bubalulekile futhi, ngoba kungenzeka ukuthi uxoxa ngezinto ezibucayi kakhulu, zomuntu siqu.
Gwema Ukushisa Kwesikhashana
Yize kwesinye isikhathi ungahle uqaphele ngokushesha lapho wenze noma usho into ebuhlungu, imvamisa akukhona ukuhlakanipha ukuzama ukuxolisa ekushiseni okwamanje.
Ukunganaki okukhulu kwemizwelo kuzokwenza kungabi nalutho futhi mhlawumbe ngeke kuzwakale kuqotho kakhulu.
Beka isikhathi sakho kuze kube yilapho izinto sezipholile.
Kodwa-ke, qaphela ukuthi ukulinda isikhathi eside kakhulu ukuxolisa kungalimaza, futhi, ngakho-ke kuyisilinganiso esihle sokushaya.
Thatha It On The Chin
Ukuxolisa mathupha, noma kunzima kangakanani lokho, njalo kuyindlela engcono kakhulu.
Kukhombisa isibindi, njengoba wonke umuntu azi ukuthi kunzima kanjani ukwenza lezi zinto ubuso nobuso.
Leso sibindi sisiza ukukhombisa ubuqotho kunokucasha ngemuva kwekhibhodi bese uchofoza igundane noma ukubamba umbhalo.
Ukuxhumana ubuso nobuso kuvumela ukuxhumana okubaluleke kakhulu okungathethi ngomlomo - ukubukeka kobuso nolimi lomzimba - ukwenza indima yayo ekuboniseni ukuthi uqotho kangakanani.
Ukuzisola kwakho nokuba sengozini kwakho kuzovela ngokusobala komunye umuntu.
Ukukubhala
Kunezikhathi lapho kungenzeki khona ukuthi uxolise mathupha ngenxa yebanga noma mhlawumbe isikhathi esincishayo.
Uma kunjalo, ucingo luyindlela engcono kunelokubhalwa phansi, ngoba iphimbo lezwi lakho lizosiza ukudlulisa amandla emizwa yakho njengalokho okushoyo empeleni.
Uma, noma kunjalo, uthambekele ekubumbeni noma yimuphi umzamo wokukhuluma ngokusuka enhliziyweni, khona-ke ukuxolisa okubhaliwe kuyisinqumo esihle.
Kungenzeka ukuthi unovalo noma ngoba ulwela ukugcina isitimela somcabango, kepha ungaba ngomunye walabo bantu abakuthola kunzima ukuzikhulumela ngamazwi.
Uma kunjalo, ukubhala ukuxolisa kwakho ephepheni noma ngokwamadijithi ngeke kunciphise futhi kungahle kubonakale kusebenza ngempumelelo njengoba kuveza lonke 'icala' lakho ngokucacile nangokunengqondo.
Enye inzuzo yokuxolisa okubhaliwe ukuthi kuthatha ingcindezi kumuntu oxolisa kuye.
Umuntu owoniwe unesikhathi nendawo yokuthatha isinqumo sokuthi ukulungele yini ukukuxolela
Banethuba lokufunda futhi baphinde bafunde amagama akho, bagaye okuqukethwe bese befika esiphethweni ngesikhathi sabo.
Isinyathelo 3 - The Apology
Buyela Kuma-Rs Amathathu
Uma uhlanganiswe ngokomzimba, usendaweni efanele futhi yisikhathi esifanele, usukulungele ukuveza okwakho ukuzisola , yamukela eyakho umthwalo , bese usikisela ukuthi uhlela kanjani ikhambi isimo.
Uzokucabanga konke lokhu kusengaphambili njengengxenye yokulungiselela kwakho (ungaziphindiseli ngokweqile, noma ukuthembeka kwakho kuzokwehla ngokushesha) ngakho-ke ukuletha ukuxolisa kwakho ngomoya ophansi nangobuqotho kufanele kufinyeleleke kalula.
Yiba Ovulekile, Wehlise umoya, Futhi Ulalelisise
Njengoba ukhuluma, kungokwemvelo ukuthi umuntu olimele afune ukuphendula.
Kungenzeka ukuthi basacasukile futhi banelungelo, kunjalo, baveze imizwa yabo .
Imvamisa impendulo yabo kuzoba ukukhipha iphethini lokuziphatha okwedlule okukholelwa ukuthi kuxhunyiwe.
Qiniseka ukuthi ubavumela ukuthi baqede bese bayeke ukucabanga ngaphambi kokuphendula.
Cabanga ngalokhu abakushilo futhi wenze konke okusemandleni akho ukubona lesi simo ngokombono wabo.
Noma yini oyenzayo, ungamemezi noma uphakamise inhlamba, noma ngabe awuvumelani nalokho okuzwayo noma uzizwe ukuthi akulungile.
Uma izinto zifuthelana kancane, ukuxolelwa nokulungiswa akunakwenzeka, ngakho-ke ukusikisela ukuthi 'ukuphela kwesikhathi' kungaba umqondo omuhle wokubuyisa ukuzola.
Ulimi Lomzimba
Ukuxhumana okungenziwanga ngamazwi kudlala indima enkulu futhi kubaluleke kakhulu njengalokho okuphuma emlonyeni wakho.
Akunasisekelo sokwenza ukuxolisa ngamazwi okuqotho uma ugoqa, uzingela, noma uhleli ngokuzivikela izingalo zakho ziwele.
Lokhu kuzokhombisa ukuthi uvaliwe empeleni futhi awuhlangene ngempela nengxoxo.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma uyinduku yenqama iqonde futhi uncike phambili, uzovela uzikhukhumeze futhi ulawule, okungokuphambene nalokho okudingekayo.
Lwela i- ukuthobeka .
Ngokufanayo, i-grimace noma inkulumo emuncu izoba nomphumela ofanayo. Ukuziphoqa ukuthi umamatheke akuhlakaniphile ngoba uzobukeka ungathembekile.
Thatha isikhashana ukhulule imisipha yakho yobuso ngezikhathi ezithile.
Ukuxhumana kwamehlo kubalulekile, futhi.
Ukweqa ngokweqile kungabonakala kusabisa, kepha ukwehluleka ukuxhumana naye iso ngokwanele ubuqotho buqina.
Uma uhlose ukuthinta iso ngqo cishe isikhathi esingama-70% sesikhathi lapho ulalele no-50% lapho ukhuluma, khona-ke uzothola isilinganiso ngokulungile.
Ukushukuma kwesandla kungenye yezinto ezinikeza imizwa yakho yangempela, ngakho-ke qiniseka ukuthi usebenzisa izintende zezandla ezivulekile kunokuvala izandla / izibhakela ngenkathi ukhuluma.
Uma kufanele futhi umuntu asondele kuwe, khona-ke ukuthinta kuyindlela enhle yokubazisa ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngabo.
Ukuthintana kamnandi engalweni noma esandleni, noma ukwangana okufudumele, kungakhuluma kakhulu.
wazi kanjani uma intombazane ikuthanda futhi
Phetha Ngokubonga
Lapho ukuxolisa kwakho sekulethiwe futhi kwamukelwa, kubalulekile ukuveza ukuthi ubonga kangakanani ngokuba khona kwabo empilweni yakho nomehluko ubukhona obwenza kuwe nsuku zonke.
Veza isifiso sakho esisuka enhliziyweni sokuthi ungalimazi noma ubeke engcupheni ubuhlobo nganoma iyiphi indlela.
Okuhlangenwe nakho komuntu ngamunye, okuhle nokubi, kuyisakhiwo sokwakha esigcina sisenze lokho esiyikho nokuthi singobani.
Iningi lethu lilwela ukuthuthuka ezimpilweni zethu zonke.
Uma isingathwe ngobunono, inqubo yokwenza ukuxolisa nokuxolelwa itholakale ngokubuyiselwa ingaqinisa kunokuba ibenze buthaka ubudlelwano.
Okungcono futhi, kungasisiza ukuthi siwaqonde kangcono amaphutha ethu futhi mhlawumbe sithathe izinyathelo zezingane zokuba yinguqulo engcono kakhulu yethu.
