Lapho uqala ukwazi isimo esihlukumezayo sobudlelwano bomngani, kungaba nzima ukwazi ukuthi wenzeni nokuthi ungabasiza kanjani. Akunandaba ukuthi hlobo luni lokuhlukumezeka ababhekene nalo, udinga ukunyathela ngokucophelela ukuze ubasekele ngaphandle kokubeka engcupheni ukwanda noma ukuziphindiselela kubalingani babo.
Uma ukulesi simo futhi ungaqiniseki ngezinyathelo ezifanele okufanele uzithathe, lesi seluleko esilandelayo singasebenza.
* Sicela wazi ukuthi lo mbhalo usebenzisa izabizwana zobufazi yena naye ukuze afunde kalula, kepha nabesilisa bangaba yizisulu zokuhlukunyezwa futhi.
1. Mkholwe!
Ubudlelwano obuhlukumezayo abubonakali ngaso sonke isikhathi kumqapheli wangaphandle, futhi kungenzeka ukuthi umngani wakho ukhetha ukuzityand 'igila kuwe lapho ezizwa ekulungele.
Uma efuna ukukhuluma nawe ngokuhlukunyezwa abhekene nakho, ngenxa yezulu mkholelwe! Uma ungakaze uhlukunyezwe ngokwakho, kungaba lula ukufaka ukungabaza ngalokho okutshelwayo.
Kungenzeka ukuthi uhlale uthola umlingani wakhe ukuthi unemvelo enhle futhi uyabukeka, kepha lokhu akusho ukuthi abahlukumezi futhi ngasese. Kwezinye izimo, umlingani uzobe ephethe umsebenzi omuhle, abe nabangane abaningi, futhi ajabule ngaphandle, kepha abakhohlisi bangamakhosi okufihla uhlangothi lwabo olubi kakhulu.
Ngakho-ke musa ukukuchitha ukukhathazeka komngane wakho ngokusikisela ukuthi ‘uzwela kakhulu’ noma ukuthi ‘akasoze enza into enjalo,’ ngoba ubengeke akhulume nawe uma engazizwa esongelwa.
umehluko phakathi kothando nokuba sothandweni
2. Mazise ukuthi ukhathazekile.
Uma umngane wakho engakhulumi nawe ngakho kuqala, kodwa kunezimpawu ezicacile zobudlelwano obuhlukumezayo, kungadingeka ukuthi uphakamise isihloko naye.
Kungenzeka angaziboni nokuthi uyisisulu sokuhlukunyezwa, ngakho-ke awukwazi ukuya kuzo zonke izibhamu zivutha. Udinga ukumhlalisa phansi ngomoya ophansi futhi umazise ukuthi unokukhathazeka ngenhlalakahle yakhe.
Mtshele lokho okubonile nokuthi kungani kukukhathaza, kodwa kugcine kuyiqiniso futhi kunenhloso ngangokunokwenzeka. Ungavumeli umbono wakho ngomlingani wakhe ukulingise ekwenzeni ihaba noma ukuqamba imicimbi ukusiza ukwenza icala lakho. Yigcine imfishane futhi inobungane.
3. Dala indawo ephephile lapho ezokwazi khona ukukhuluma ngokukhululeka nangaphandle kokwahlulela.
Lapho umngani wakho ekulungele ukukhuluma nawe ngesimo sakhe, kubalulekile ukuthi wakhe isikhala (ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo / ngokomzwelo) azizwa ephephile futhi ekhululekile kuso.
Into ebaluleke kakhulu ukulalela lokho akushoyo futhi ususe sonke isahlulelo empendulweni nasekwenzeni kwakho. Kungenzeka azizwe enamahloni ngokuthi ubuhlobo bakhe buphele kanjani, futhi kungumsebenzi wakho ukuzama ukunciphisa leli hlazo, HHAYI ukulibhebhethekisa.
Ungayi ukuyombuza ukuthi ubekwazi kanjani ‘ukuvumela lokhu kwenzeke,’ futhi ugweme noma yiziphi izikhathi ‘akutshele zona’ ukube ubumxwayisile phambilini ngomlingani wakhe. Ufuna ukuzwa uthando nokusekelwa kwakho, hhayi ukudumazeka kwakho.
Khumbula, ngisho nesenzo sokukhuluma sinqobile uqobo lwaso, futhi kufanele wenze konke okusemandleni akho ukukwenza kube yinto enhle ukuze azizwe ekwazi ukukuthululela isifuba futhi.
4. Mqinisekise ukuthi ukuhlukunyezwa akulona iphutha lakhe.
Enye yezindlela ezibalulekile ukuthi abenzi bokuhlukumeza basebenzise izisulu zabo ngokubakholisa ukuthi banecala ngokwenzekayo. Basebenzisa ukuqonda okusontekile ukwaba isisulu icala ngoba abakwazi nhlobo ukwamukela umthwalo wezenzo zabo.
Unalokhu engqondweni, kubalulekile ukuthi umqinisekise kaningi umngani wakho ukuthi ukuhlukunyezwa akutholayo akulona iphutha lakhe. Angaphikelela ngokuthi kufanele amukele icala elithile, uma kungenjalo lonke, anikeze nezizathu zokuthi kungani umlingani wakhe angaziphatha ngendlela abaziphatha ngayo.
Kufanele ulwe nalokhu kukhuluma futhi usho ngokucacile ukuthi ukuhlukumeza akuyona impendulo eyamukelekayo kunoma yini okungenzeka ukuthi uyenzile.
5. Sebenzisa ulimi olungathathi hlangothi, ikakhulukazi lapho ukhuluma ngomhlukumezi.
Lapho uxoxa ngalesi simo nomngane wakho, kubalulekile ukuthi uyeke ukusebenzisa ulimi angaluthola lukuvusa inkanuko. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu uma kukhulunywa ngomlingani wakhe.
Ungahle ukwazi ukubona ukuthi uyini, kepha ngokunokwenzeka uzobe esenemizwa enamandla yothando nokumdumisa. Uma uqhubeka nokumcasula futhi umjikijela ngendlela amphathe ngayo, angazama ukumvikela yena nezenzo zakhe. Lokhu kuzoba nomthelela kubo bobabili ubungani bakho nokuhlukana kwakhe ekugcineni nomlingani wakhe.
Ngokusemandleni, ingxoxo kufanele ihlale igxile kuye nokuthi uzizwa kanjani, ngenkathi igwema izingxoxo eziqonde kakhulu ngomlingani wakhe. Ngokusobala uzofuna ukwazi imininingwane, kepha zama ukugwema ukukhuluma kakhulu ngaye ngezizathu ezichazwe ngenhla.
6.Mazise ukuthi akayedwa.
Izisulu zokuhlukunyezwa zivame ukuzizwa zodwa, futhi zesabe ukuvula ubukhulu bezinkinga zabo. Kukhona ukucwaswa okuyishwa okuhambisana nokuhlukunyezwa futhi lokhu kungaholela ezingeni lehlazo elizwiwa yilabo abakubonayo.
Njengomngani wakhe, udinga ukukubeka kucace zisuka ukuthi akanalutho angazizwa enamahloni ngalo. Kufanele umazise ukuthi akayedwa osizini lwakhe, nokuthi abantu abaningi baye bahlukunyezwa futhi badlula kukho.
Ukwazi nje ukuthi akudingeki ahlupheke yedwa kungamduduza kakhulu. Ngokuxhaswa ngabangane abanjengawe, maningi amathuba okuthi abaleke ebudlelwaneni bakhe obuhlukumezayo futhi aqale inqubo yokwelashwa.
7. Mtshele ukuthi uzohlala njalo ukumsekela.
Ukuze ukwesekwa kwakho kusebenze, kufanele kugxile futhi kungaguquguquki. Umngani wakho udinga ukwazi ukuthi, noma ngabe kwenzekani esikhathini esizayo, uzoba khona lapho ezokudinga khona.
Kuzoba nezikhathi lapho uzonikina ikhanda ungakholelwa ezenzweni zakhe, futhi udinga ukuzilungiselela lapho enza okuphambene nezeluleko omnike zona. Kuthatha isibindi ukuzisusa ebudlelwaneni obufana nalobu, ngakho-ke ungacabangi ukuthi izingxoxo ezimbalwa zizokwanela ukumenza abone umqondo.
Uma azi ukuthi uzoma ngakuye noma yini, lapho-ke uzoqhubeka azizwe ekhululekile ukukhuluma ngezinkinga zakhe nawe. Uma engaqiniseki ngokuzibophezela kwakho, angahle antengezele futhi angabaze ukuza kuwe lapho edinga usizo.
8. Mnike isikhathi sokwenza eyakhe indlela yokuphuma ebudlelwaneni.
Uma ufuna ukuba ngumngane weqiniso kothile osebudlelwaneni obuhlukumezayo, kufanele ubekezele. Ukushiya eyodwa akuvamile ukuthi kube inqubo eqondile, ikakhulukazi uma kunezinto ezifana nezingane okufanele zicatshangelwe. Kuthatha isikhathi futhi, kaningi kunalokho, imizamo eminingi ehlulekile yokubaleka ngaphambi kokuthi ekugcineni inamathele.
Umngani wakho angaba nezinhloso ezinhle zokuphuma ebudlelwaneni bakhe, kepha futhi angalwa nobunzima bokwenza lokho kanye. Kunezizathu eziningi kungani abantu behlala ebudlelwaneni obuhlukumezayo , kufaka phakathi umthwalo wezezimali, ukwesaba, ukuzethemba okuphansi, nokulindelwa kwamasiko.
Uma ezizwa engakwazi ukumshiya, uzobekezelela ukuhlukunyezwa kuze kufike isikhathi lapho ezothola isibindi sokwenza lokho. Khumbula, abalingani abahlukumezayo ngokuvamile bangabaphathi abangochwepheshe okungenzeka ukuthi balawula indlela yokuziphatha kwesisulu sabo iminyaka eminingi noma ngaphezulu ukugqashula kulokhu ngeke kube lula.
9. Zama ukuqonda izizathu zakhe zokuhlala.
Ukuze uhlale ungumngane ozinikele isikhathi eside, udinga ukuzama ukuzibeka ezicathulweni zakhe. Kungase kungabonakali kunengqondo kuwe ngaleso sikhathi, kepha uma ungazama ukuqonda izizathu zakhe zokuhlala kubudlelwano, uzokuhlomela kangcono ukumsiza nokumeseka.
Uzokulwa kanzima ukuzwelana naye uma ungakwazi ukwemba ngaphansi kobuso ukuze uvule izibopho ezingokomzwelo ezimenza abuyele kumlingani wakhe. Ngakho-ke yeka ukubuka izinto ngombono wakho bese uzama ukuzibona ngamehlo akhe.
Zama ukuzwa uthando asengabamba lona, uvalo olumkhubazayo, ukungabi nathemba okumfiphalisa umbono wakhe, kanye nokungabaza okubeka isithunzi emqondweni wakhe. Zuza lokhu futhi uzothola isisusa sokuqhubeka nokumnika uthando lwakho, ukunakekela, nobungane.
Okuthunyelwe okuhlobene (i-athikili iyaqhubeka ngezansi):
- AbakwaLimi AbakwaNarcissist Basebenzisa Ukuphatha Nokuhlukumeza Abahlukunyeziwe
- Uthando Lokuqhuma Amabhomu: Isibonakaliso Sokuqala Esisixwayiso Sokuthi Uthandana Narcissist
- Ungabhekana Kanjani Ne-Narcissist: Ukuphela Kwendlela Okuqinisekisiwe Ukusebenza
- Izindlela Zokubhekana Nesimo Lapho Ushiya Umlingani We-Narcissistic Ngemuva
10. Sihloniphe njalo isinqumo asenzayo.
Umngani wakho uzothatha izinqumo ezikudida ngokuphelele futhi ongavumelani nazo ngokuphelele, kepha noma ngabe kunjalo, kufanele ulihloniphe ilungelo lakhe lokuzikhethela indlela afuna ukuyithatha.
Noma kunzima kangakanani ukuzibamba, ungakhombisi ukudumala kwakho lapho enza okuthile owaziyo ukuthi kuzomlethela ubuhlungu obukhulu benhliziyo (njengokuhlala naye, noma ukubuyela kumlingani wakhe). Sebenzisa ukuqonda okutholile kusuka ephuthi elidlule ukufaka imizwa yakho kokunye okuhle kakhulu.
Mtshele ukuthi usamukela ngokugcwele isinqumo sakhe, nokuthi awumhluleli ngokuthi usithathile. Menze azi ukuthi uyaqonda ukuthi zinzima kangakanani izinto kuye, nokuthi umfisela okuhle kuphela.
11.Mnike amandla, ungamsusi amandla akhe.
Kungaba yisilingo esikhulu ukuzama ukungenelela nokulawula isimo ngokumtshela ukuthi yini okumele ayenze. Ngeshwa, angakubona lokhu ngendlela ehluke ngokuphelele.
Uma uzibandakanya ebhizinisini lakhe siqu, angahle akuthukuthelele lokho. Njengesisulu sokuhlukunyezwa, uzobe ephucwe amandla akhe kuye kaninginingi angakubona ngokufanayo uma uzama ukuphatha impilo yakhe.
Esikhundleni salokho, udinga ukuzama ukwakha ukuzethemba anakho emandleni akhe okuqeda ukuhlukunyezwa nokushiya ubudlelwano. Khumbula, kungenzeka angakakulungeli ngokuphelele ukubhekana nokuhlukunyezwa ekuqaleni, yingakho ukubekezela okukhulunywe ngenhla kubaluleke kangaka.
Ungazami ukumphoqa kunoma yini, kodwa mkhumbuze ukuthi unamandla okushintsha inkambo yendaba yakhe lapho esekulungele. Qhubeka uqinise lo mlayezo omuhle noma nini lapho umbona noma ukhuluma naye ukuze aqale ukushintsha izindlela zakhe zokucabanga.
12. Khumbula ukuthi awukho ukumhlenga.
Ukulandela iphuzu langaphambilini, kubalulekile ukuthi uqonde ukuthi iyiphi indima yakho kulesi simo. Awuyena umsindisi wakhe awukwazi ukumhlenga futhi akufanele uzame (ngaphandle kokuthi iphuzu le-15 lidlala). Uzozitakula lapho ezizwa ekulungele.
Ungumuntu obalulekile empilweni yakhe, omsizayo ukuthi azibonele ikusasa elingcono. Uyindlebe yokukhuluma, ihlombe okufanele ukhale kulo, nezingalo ezidingekayo ukuze unikeze ukwangana okududuzayo. Lezi yizinto ezibalulekile kuye ukuze atholakale futhi kufanele uqaphele inani elilethayo.
13. Mazise ukuthi wonke umuntu ufanelwe ubudlelwano obunempilo, nothando.
Akuvamile ukuthi isisulu sokuhlukunyezwa sikholwe ukuthi sifanelwe yimpatho enjalo, nokuthi ubudlelwano bunje nje. Uma umngani wakho engalwazi uhlobo lobudlelwano obunempilo, obunothando obuluthokozele empilweni yakho, angahle angaqondi ukuthi isimo sakhe asijwayelekile.
Kungase kudingeke ukuthi umfundise ukuthi ubudlelwano obukhathalela ngempela bubukeka kanjani ukuze aqale ukuqonda ukuthi bunjani impilo yakhe. Ngaphezu kwalokho, lapho esekwazi ukuthi zibukeka kanjani, udinga ukumqinisekisa ukuthi wonke umuntu kulo mhlaba ufanelwe ukuthandwa ngale ndlela.
14. Mqondise emisebenzini ekhethekile… uma esekulungele.
Njengomngani, uzoba yingxenye ebalulekile yokuphunyuka ebudlelwaneni bakhe obuhlukumezayo, kepha kuzoba nezinto ongeke umenzele zona. Angadinga izinsizakalo zokusekelwa ezikhethekile zenhlangano ezinikele ukumsiza akwazi ukucubungula okwenzekile futhi amnikeze namathuluzi awadingayo ukuze alulame osizini lwakhe.
Ungahle uthande ukumtshela ngezinsizakalo ezinjalo lapho uxoxa ngobudlelwano bakhe, kepha ungabi ngocindezela kakhulu ngakho. Ukufuna lolu hlobo lokusekelwa kuyisinyathelo esikhulu kakhulu kunokuthulula isifuba kumngane angadinga isikhathi ngaphambi kokuba akulungele ukuxhumana nabo. Mane imininingwane ilungele ukuthi ekugcineni izocela nini.
15. Uma ubona udlame, phuma ubize amaphoyisa.
Ngokudabukisayo, kungenzeka ukuthi ungabona izenzo zodlame eziya kumngani wakho, futhi kunesinyathelo esisodwa okufanele sithathwe uma lokhu kwenzeka: zisuse kulesi simo bese ushayela amaphoyisa ngokushesha.
Uma ungakhipha umngane wakho futhi, yenza kanjalo, kodwa ungalokothi uzifake engozini. Noma uzizwa sengathi ufuna ukuzama ukusiza, kungcono ukuthi ungabeki impilo yakho engcupheni. Vele ushayele amaphoyisa ubacacisele ukuthi kunodlame olwenzekayo.
Kunezinhlobo ezahlukahlukene zokuhlukumeza ebudlelwaneni, kepha zonke zidala ukulinyazwa kwabahlukunyezwayo. Ngethemba ukuthi le ndatshana ikunikeze amanye amathiphu wokuthi ungamsekela kanjani kangcono umngane osenkingeni yobuhlobo obunjalo.
Ungathola izeluleko ezengeziwe ngokushayela lezi zingcingo:
- I-US - Inombolo yocingo kazwelonke yodlame lwasekhaya (1-800-799-7233)
- I-UK - Inombolo yosizo Kazwelonke Yodlame Lwasekhaya (0808 2000 247)
Wake wahlukunyezwa ezandleni zomlingani wakho? Noma wazi othile onaye? Yisiphi esinye iseluleko ongasinika abangane abafuna ukwenza konke okusemandleni abo ukusiza? Shiya amazwana ngezansi ukuze wabelane ngezeluleko zakho.
