Izincwadi eziningi namabhayisikobho kunikeza isithombe sokuthi ubudlelwano phakathi komama namadodakazi ngokuvamile buyamangalisa.
Sibona omama abasekelayo abangabangane abakhulu namadodakazi abo abathandayo, kanye nobudlelwano phakathi kwabo okugcwele ukuqonda komlingo, ukuqonda okunembile nokwazisa.
Iqiniso alihlali limnandi kangako, noma kunjalo.
Empeleni, kaningi kunalokho, ubudlelwano phakathi komama namadodakazi busendaweni ethile ebangeni phakathi 'kobunzima' nobuthi obuyingozi.
Yini eyakha ubudlelwane obunobuthi bomama nendodakazi?
Izinhlobo ezithile zomama nendodakazi ezinamandla zivuka kaninginingi, futhi zingadala ukukhathazeka, izingxabano, nokungezwani phakathi kwamalungu omndeni.
Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi ubudlelwano bukamama nendodakazi abuthinti nje kuphela abantu ababili abathintekayo, kepha buvame ukwedlulela nakwabanye abazali, izingane zakwabo, nabazukulu.
Amanye amalungu angathatha uhlangothi, ahlukane noma ahlukane, futhi yonke into inyibilika ibe yisiphithiphithi esikhulu, ikakhulukazi ngamaholide.
Ngakho-ke kungani amandla omama nendodakazi amaningi kangaka engenampilo?
Lapho abesifazane bekhala ngokuthi abanaye umama onothando, owemukelayo, nowesekayo abekade befuna, bavame ukukukhohlwa lokho omama nabo bangabantu besifazane .
Cishe bakhuliswe ngemibono enobuthi mayelana nokuthi bahlobene kanjani nabanye besifazane… futhi bazokwelula lokho kuziphatha nakumadodakazi abo.
Lokhu kungaholela ekutheni omama babone amadodakazi abo njengomncintiswano ukunakwa kwabanye abantu, kufaka phakathi obaba, amanye amalungu omndeni amadala abesifazane, nezingane / abazukulu.
Kungabonakala futhi kumama ozama ukuhlala ngokungajwayelekile, noma ngabe ukubukeka kwakhe, izinto azithandayo, noma umsebenzi wakhe.
Uzovame ukubona okwakamuva emincintiswaneni yobuhle bezingane, noma lapho omama bephikelela emadodakazini abo enza imisebenzi efana nokushushuluza ngomdwebo noma i-ballet ngoba bona bafuna, hhayi ngoba amantombazane anentshisekelo eqotho.
Manje yini engenziwa ngalobu budlelwano?
Bangaphiliswa?
angazi ukuzijabulisa
Ake sibheke ezinye zezinto ezijwayeleke kakhulu ezinzima ukuba ngumama nendodakazi, nokuthi yini esingayenza ukuyenza ibe ngcono.
Umama owenqaba ukuvuma ukuthi umdala.
Lokhu kushukumiseka kunzima kakhulu ukuzulazula kuzo zombili izinhlangothi.
Umama wakho kungenzeka angakwazi ukukubona njengomuntu omdala ovuthiwe, okwaziyo ukusebenza, kungakhathalekile ukuthi uneminyaka emingaki, umsebenzi, kanye nezibopho zakho siqu.
Ngemuva kwalokho, ungakhungatheka ngaye bese uphendukela kuye.
Ngokwenza njalo, mhlawumbe uziphathe ngendlela owawuziphatha ngayo lapho usakhula, uqinisa izinkolelo zakhe ngokungakhuli kwakho.
Kuyacasula, akunjalo?
Ungaba nomsebenzi omangalisayo, izingane eziningana, kanye / noma ezinye izinto eziningi ongazifeza ngaphansi kwebhande lakho, futhi usazokhuluma nawe sengathi uyingane engenakho ukusebenza.
Lokhu kushukumiseka kuvamise ukwenzeka lapho umama ezizwa elahlekile ukuthi intombazanyana yakhe ayisamdingi.
Uzonamathela emcabangweni wakhe wokuthi naningobani lapho nobabili nihlangana kahle, futhi azame ukukuveza lokho kini uma kungenzeka.
Ekujuleni kwenhliziyo, angabona ukuthi empeleni ungowesifazane osekhulile, kodwa kunengxenye yakhe esadinga kakhulu ukwesweleka.
Akaboni ukuthi lokho akuvezela kuwe yikhona okulimaza ubudlelwano.
Esimweni esinjengalesi, zama ukuqaphela ukuziphatha kwakhe ukuthi kuyini, bese usebenzela ukunciphisa eyakho 'Ngiyadelelwa' kubangela.
Lapho siqonda lapho ukuziphatha komuntu kuvela khona, sinesethi engcono yezindlela zokubhekana nazo.
kungani ngizizwa nginesithukuthezi
Zama ukungamthukutheli, kepha xoxa ngokuthi uzizwa kanjani ngokuziphatha kwakhe kuwe.
Khumbula ukusebenzisa ulimi “Ngizizwa” esikhundleni sokumangalela “njalo…”.
Ngokwesibonelo: 'Ngizizwa sengathi awuthembi ukwahlulela kwami lapho uzama ukungitshela ukuthi ngizikhulisa kanjani izingane zami,' kunoku “Ungenza ngizizwe ngingelutho njengomama.”
Ngokwenza lokho, umnika ithuba lokuhlola indlela aziphatha ngayo kuwe ngaphandle kokuzwa sengathi uyahlaselwa.
Kungenzeka ukuthi uzama ukwenza konke okusemandleni akhe ukusiza, angaqapheli nokuthi umqondo wakhe wokusiza ungalawula futhi weqe ngokweqile.
Umama ofuna ukuhlala ngokuzimela ngawe.
Uzobona okuningi kwalokhu kuziphatha komama bamadodakazi amancane, ikakhulukazi labo abasathambile futhi bezimisele ukujabulisa umama wabo.
Cabanga ngemincintiswano yobuhle bezingane. Impela, ziyakhasa ngokumangazayo, kepha futhi ziyisibonelo esiphelele sezinto ezingena mpilo ebucayi kwezomama nendodakazi.
Lawa mantombazane - amanye aneminyaka esukela kwengu-4 noma engu-5 - adayiwe, ayahluthunwa, enziwa, afakwa amadonki, futhi athunyelwa esiteji ukuyonandisa futhi ahlulelwe ngokubukeka kwawo ngokomzimba nangokusika okuphelele.
Kuyaqabukela, uma kwenzeka, bazenzele lezi zinqumo.
Ezimweni ezinjengalezi, kuvamise ukuthi kube yisimo sowesifazane obehlale eziswa kakhulu ngokubukeka kwakhe okungazelelwe angakutholi lokho kunakwa uma esengunkosikazi nomama.
Manje, uzokwethula lokho okudinga ukuqashelwa nokukhulekelwa endodakazini yakhe encane, ephila ngokungahloniphi ngokubabaza wakhe… okubuye kubonise ngomama.
Lokhu kunganweba kuyo yonke impilo yaleyo ntombazane: umama angahle angavumi ukuthi indodakazi yakhe iyinhlangano ehlukile enezidingo zayo kanye nezintshisekelo zayo , kepha esikhundleni salokho umuntu impumelelo yakhe ingezelwe okungeyakhe.
“INDODAKAZI yami is a straight-A student. INDodakazi yami iyindlovukazi yesithembiso. INDODAKAZI yami izoba udokotela. ”
Labomama bavame ukuphoqa amadodakazi abo ukuba enze imisebenzi yangezikhathi ezithile kanye nezindlela zemisebenzi amantombazane angenandaba ngempela nazo, kepha umama ufuna ukuthi bazilandele ngoba UYAZithanda.
Futhi uma ehlangabezana nokuphikisana okuthile namantombazane akhe, uzobakhubekisa ngecala ngokuzidela kwakhe nokunye okunjalo.
Ibinzana 'Ungenzele' isetshenziswa kaningi. Futhi ngenxa yalokho, amadodakazi akhula ezwa sengathi abophezelekile ukungazinaki izidingo zawo nezidingo zawo ukuze agcine abanye abantu bejabule.
Ukuma kumama ophetheyo oshonile ngokuphila ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho kungakhathaza.
Eqinisweni, ukuzama ukwenza njalo kungahle kuholele ekukhubekeni kakhulu kwecala - ikakhulukazi ngokuthi uzidele malini empumelelweni yakho.
kungani abanye abantu benobugovu kangaka
Uma uhlala uqinile endleleni yakho esikhundleni sokunikezela kulokho akufunayo, angakunika ukuthula, noma azame ukonakalisa imizamo yakho.
Hlala uqinile emizamweni yakho futhi ungamvumeli akulawule.
Uma eqhubeka mayelana nokuthi ukunikele kangakanani kuwe, mbonge ngokunikeza isikhuthazo esingaka, kepha manje usuqinile ngokwanele ukulandela izinhloso zakho.
Vuma konke akwenzele khona, kodwa phinda ukuthi udinga ukuphila impilo yakho ngokwemibandela yakho.
Ungammema nokuba abe yingxenye yeqembu lakho le-cheerleading ngalezi zigaba ezintsha empilweni yakho.
Ukumvumela ukuthi abambe iqhaza kumkhombisa ukuthi usadingeka , futhi uzokwazi ukugubha ukunqoba kwakho njengengxenye yakhe naye.
Uzozizwa engaphansi njengokuthi ulahliwe, futhi ngokufana nokuthi uyaziswa futhi uyaziswa.
Ungahle uthande (i-athikili iyaqhubeka ngezansi):
- Ukukhula NeNarcissist Ngomama
- Izimpawu eziyi-10 Zabazali Abanezifo (+ Izinyathelo Ezi-6 Zokubhekana Nazo)
- Uma Ulawula Abazali, UNGALOKOTHI Ubekezelele Lezi Zinto Ezi-3 Ezivela Kubo
- Izinhlobo Ezi-4 Ze-Emotional Blackmail Manipulators Sebenzisa Ngokumelene Nawe
Lapho engakuthathi ngokungathí sina.
Wenza imizwelo yakho ingasebenzi futhi ahlekise ngawe lapho uzizwa udabukile noma ulimele.
Konke kuyihlaya elikhulu kuye, ikakhulukazi noma yini ebalulekile kuwe.
Angaze enze konke okusemandleni akhe ukubukela phansi izinhlelo zakho, acekele phansi izinto ozifunayo kanye nalokho okuthandayo 'njengehlaya.'
Lokhu kungaba yinoma yini ngokwengeza ujusi wenyama ekudleni kwakho okune-vegan ngoba ucabanga ukuthi lokho kuyahlekisa, ukukhuluma 'ngenye isoka' lakho elingekho phambi komlingani wakho, ukuze nje uvuse izinto kancane.
Njengoba ungacabanga, ukumbiza ngale ndlela yokuziphatha ngeke kulunge , ngoba ngeke athathe noma yini oyisho ngokungathi sína.
Futhi uma uziphindiselela, uzovele akhuphule umdlalo wakhe. Uzothi ngeke nje uthathe ihlaya, futhi akugxeke ngokuzwela ngokweqile.
Noma imuphi umzamo wokwakha imingcele ngaye uzovele ukhulise lezi zimo.
Uma lolu hlobo lomama obhekene nalo, uzitholele owelapha kahle ASAP.
Akungabazeki ukuthi uzodinga ukusebenzela ukulungisa wonke umonakalo owenziwe ukuzethemba kwakho ngaphambi kokuba uqhubekele phambili nganoma yiluphi uhlobo lobudlelwano, uma lokho kuyinto ofuna ngisho ukuyenza.
Amathuba ukuthi ukuphulukisa lolu hlobo lobudlelwano kuzodinga ukwelulekwa ngokuhlanganyela.
Uma engathathi noma yini oyisho ngokungathi sína, ngokunokwenzeka uzoqala ukulalela ngempela uma kukhona umuntu wesithathu othintekayo, ambize ngobuqili.
Izocwila ngoba isuka komunye umuntu osesikhundleni sokuphatha. Hhayi wena.
Lowo ophikelela ekubeni ngumngane wakho omkhulu.
Kuhle kakhulu ukuthi omama namadodakazi babe nobudlelwano obuhle, kepha izinto zingangakhululeki ngempela uma umama wakho ewuhlobo olufuna ukuba umngani wakho omkhulu.
Umbono ungahle ube mnandi ngombono, kepha izingane zinabangani abangontanga yabo: badinga abazali babo ukuba babe yilokho nje - abazali.
Lapho umama ephikelela ukuthi yena nendodakazi yakhe badinga ukuba ngabangane abakhulu kunabo bonke, kwenzeka ukungalingani okukhulu.
ngibona sengathi angiyifanele intombi yami
Awukwazi ukuba yisiphathimandla KANYE nomngane oseduze ngasikhathi sinye, ngoba noma imuphi umzamo wokuyala uzokwenzakaliswa ubungane.
Futhi, ngubani ofuna ukuthembela kumama wakhe ngobudlelwano, noma ukushaywa ngesando ku-Kahlua shots ephathini lakho lokuzibandakanya ndawonye?
Umama ofuna ukuba ngumngani kunokuba ngumzali angavaleleka endaweni yentuthuko eboshiwe.
Lokhu kuziphatha kungakhomba ubusha obungapheli engxenyeni kamama wakho, okungaba ukungakhululeki ukuthi ubhekane nakho njengomuntu omdala.
Kungadala nokuthembela okungenampilo , ikakhulukazi uma ezama ukukwenza uzizwe ukuthi kufanele umfake ekuphumeni kwakho okususelwe kubangani, ezinhlelweni zokuhamba, njll.
Kulolu hlobo lwe-dynamic, zama ukuhambisa izinto ngobuqili.
Ungakhulumi naye ngezihloko ezisuselwa kubangani, kepha kunalokho cela ukuqonda nokuqondiswa kwakhe, noma ngabe kulula njengokumfundisa ezinye izindlela zokupheka.
Qhubeka ukuphinda ukuthi umazisa kangakanani njengomama, futhi uqondise kabusha noma iyiphi inkulumo yobungani kumandla ongathanda ukuwakhetha.
Uma eletha isihloko esikwenza ucikizeke, ungamtshela ngqo ukuthi awukhululekile ukuxoxa ngalokho naye, noma ukuthi uzizwa kungafanele.
Lindela ukuzivikela okuthile, ikakhulukazi uma ewuhlobo lokuqhuma lapho ezwa egxekwa, kodwa qhubeka. Izocwila ekugcineni.
Lapho ungekho.
Lokhu kunzima ukubhekana nakho, futhi kuvame ukubonwa ngomama be-narcissistic noma be-borderline (BPD), ikakhulukazi uma ungeyena kuphela umntwana.
Labomama bavame ukudlala izintandokazi, babe 'nengane yegolide' engakwazi ukwenza iphutha, kuyilapho abanye benganakwa.
Ngokwazi kwakhe, awukho nhlobo ngaphandle kokucasula okufanele abhekane nakho ngezikhathi ezithile.
Ngenye indlela, angaba uhlobo olunikeza umuntu ihlombe elibandayo uma bengaziphathi ngendlela yena afuna uziphathe ngayo.
Ukunganaki nokunganaki umuntu ngokungaziphathi ngendlela ethile kuyindlela yokulawula nokuhlukumeza , futhi ngokudabukisayo kuvame kakhulu kunalokho ongase ucabange.
ungatshela kanjani umuntu omthandayo ngaphandle kokonakalisa ubungane bakho
Zama ukungalingisi ngomzamo wokumnaka, ngoba lokho kuzoqinisa inkolelo yakhe yokuthi izenzo zakhe zamukelekile.
Esimweni esinjengalesi, kungcono ukugxila kokuphishekela kwakho nokuzinakekela kwakho. Mayeze kuwe.
Ngemuva kwalokho uzoba nguyena ophethe, futhi uzothola ukuthi unhloboni yobudlelwano ofuna ukuba nalo muntu.
Umgxeki ongapheli.
Kule ndodakazi engumama, akukho okwake wakwenza okuhle ngokwanele emehlweni akhe.
Uzogxeka ukubukeka kwakho, ukukhetha kwakho okokugqoka, ubuntu bakho, abangane bakho… ngokuyisisekelo noma yini nakho konke angakwenza.
Angakuqhathanisa naye futhi akwenze uzizwe sengathi awusoze waba muhle / muhle / uhlakaniphile / uphumelele njengaye.
Angahle anake kakhulu abangani bakho, akwazise ukuthi ngabe ukhetha omunye wabo njengendodakazi esikhundleni sakho.
Cishe uzozithola usebenzisana kaninginingi nemibuzo efana nale 'yini inkinga yakho?' noma ' kungani ungeke ufane no ____? ”
Angaze akugxeke phambi kwabanye abantu, noma ngabe kuzanywa ukuguqula indlela oziphatha ngayo ukuze ivumelane nalokho akhetha ukukukhetha, noma ngoba nje kumjabulisa ukwenza njalo.
Uma ubhekene nomama we-narcissistic, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi uzitholele umelaphi osekelayo, noqondayo ongakusiza ukubhekana nomonakalo awudalile.
Ungase futhi ufune ukuyithatha incwadi Ngabe Ngiyoze Ngilunge Ngokwanele?: Ukuphulukisa Amadodakazi Omama BamaNarcissistic , nguDkt. Karyl McBride, Ph.D.
Kwesinye isikhathi, ukuphulukisa ubudlelwano akuyona inketho.
Noma sithanda ukwethemba ukuthi singalungisa ubudlelwano obunzima ngesikhathi esanele, umzamo, nothando, iqiniso ukuthi kwesinye isikhathi akusebenzi nje.
Ubudlelwano bomzali nengane busabubuhlobo phakathi kwabantu ababili, futhi abanye abantu ngeke nje bazwane, kungakhathalekile ukuthi sizikhandla kangakanani kulokho okunamandla.
Uma uzame konke okuhle kakhulu ukulungisa ubuhlobo obunobuthi onabo nomama wakho, futhi akukho okusebenzile, inketho yokugcina esele ibanga.
Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi uma ubhekene nomuntu osebenzisa izihibe, ngoba uzogcina ngokuqhubeka ulinyazwa ngamazwi nokuziphatha kwakhe uma uqhubeka uziveza ebubini bakhe.
Njengabo bonke ubudlelwano obuhlukumezayo, into ebaluleke kakhulu okudingeka uyenze ukuzinakekela.
