Ngiphendule lokhu: seninesikhathi esingakanani ninobabili nozakwenu?
Iminyaka emihlanu? Iminyaka eyi-10? Isikhathi eside?
Akungabazeki ukuthi ngesinye isikhathi ngaleso sikhathi - mhlawumbe ezikhathini eziningi - uhlale phansi emsebenzini nomphathi wakho waxoxa ngokusebenza kwakho emsebenzini, impilo yonke yebhizinisi, kanye nezinhlelo zekusasa lebhizinisi.
Ngakwesokudla?
… Ngakho kungani lokhu kungeyona into ejwayelekile ebudlelwaneni?
Siyazi ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ukubuyekeza nokuhlola kabusha izinhloso endaweni yomsebenzi, kodwa kubaluleke kakhulu - uma kungenjalo - ukwenza uhlobo olufanayo lokubuyekeza nabalingani bakho abaseduze.
Uma ubuza ukuthi kungani, ake ngichaze…
Isikhathi = Shintsha
Cabanga ukuthi wawukuphi lapho uneminyaka engama-20 ubudala. Noma, uma uneminyaka engama-20, cabanga ngomuntu owawunguye ngenkathi uneminyaka engu-15.
Kuningi okushintshile kusukela lapho, akunjalo?
Isihogo, kungenzeka ukuthi kuningi okushintshile ezinyangeni eziyisithupha ezedlule, kungasaphathwa okweminyaka embalwa edlule noma amashumi eminyaka.
Noma kungokuhlangenwe nakho kwempilo jikelele noma ama-epiphanies angazelelwe, sonke siyakhula futhi siyashintsha njengoba isikhathi sihamba.
Lokho akusho nje wena: kusho nomlingani wakho futhi.
ungaqala kanjani incwadi yothando eya entombazaneni
Akunakwenzeka ukuthi babe ngumuntu ofanayo ohlangane naye futhi wawela esikhathini se-X esedlule, futhi izifiso zabo kanye nezidingo zabo kungenzeka ukuthi zishintshe kakhulu futhi.
Okusemqoka ukukhuluma nabo ngokukhululekile nangokungagunci mayelana nokuthi bakuphi, ukuthi bazizwa kanjani, nokuthi ngabe bajabule yini ngezimo zamanje.
Ukukhuluma Ngokusobala Kungasabisa Ngempela
Esinye sezizathu esikhulu esenza abantu bangabaze ukukhuluma nabalingani babo ngobudlelwano babo yingoba bethukile ukuthi omunye umuntu uzothi abajabule.
Noma okubi kakhulu… ukuthi bafuna ukuqeda ubudlelwano.
Abantu bazokwenza ubude obedlulele ukuze bahlale “endaweni ephephile,” lapho bezizwa belondekile futhi benethezekile.
Ukugcina isimo se-quo kulula kakhulu kunokubhekana nethuba langempela lokulahlekelwa umuntu abamkhathalelayo. Futhi ukulahlekelwa indawo yabo ethokomele yokujabula nayo… noma ngabe yeka ukujabula ngempela kudala.
Cabanga ukuthi bangaki abantu obaziyo abakhuluma nawe ngezinkinga zabo zobudlelwano esikhundleni sokukhuluma nabalingani babo ngabo.
Kungani kunjalo?
Kungani abantu benqikaza ukwethembeka nokungagunci kumuntu osondelene kakhulu nabo?
Isizathu esiyinhloko abantu abaningi abasinikezayo ngokungabi bikho kokuxhumana okuvulekile yingoba besaba ukulimaza omunye umuntu.
Ngiqonde ukuthi, lapho sicabanga ngabalingani bethu, abashade nabo, njll., Sinabo ngesizathu , kwesokudla?
Besingeke sibe nalaba bantu uma singabathandi kakhulu.
Ngisho noma uthando olupholile selupholile kancane, sisabakhathalela ngokujulile futhi ngeke sifune ukubazwisa ubuhlungu.
Uma sibatshela ukuthi imizwa ethile isishintshile, noma ukuthi izintshisekelo zomuntu siqu nezinhloso zempilo sezishintshile, siba sengozini yangempela yokulimaza umuntu esimkhathalele ngokujulile.
Into ukuthi, lapho sixoxa ngalezi zindaba ngokukhululekile - ngomusa wothando futhi ububele - sivula iminyango yokukhula nokushintsha.
Lokho akudingeki ukuthi kusabise: empeleni kungaphulukisa ngendlela emangalisayo futhi kube kuhle.
Kukho konke esikwaziyo, ozakwethu bangazizwa ngendlela efanayo nathi, futhi bebenqikaza ukukhuluma nathi ngezizathu ezifanayo: abafuni ukusilimaza, besaba ukuthi ukuveza izidingo ezithile kuzonyakazisa isikebhe , njll.
Kepha uma lawo masango ezikhukhula esevulekile, kunethuba elimangalisayo lokusebenza ngezinto nabathandekayo bethu futhi siqhubekele phambili ndawonye, singene ezindaweni ezikahle, ezijabulisayo nezanelisayo.
Ungahle uthande (i-athikili iyaqhubeka ngezansi):
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- Kusho Ukuthini Ukwethembeka Ebudlelwaneni?
- Izindlela Ezi-7 Zokukhombisa Ngokuphepha Ukuba Sengozini Kwezemizwa Ebudlelwaneni
- Kungani Ubudlelwano Bunzima Kangaka?
- Uma Ufuna Ukubuyela Othandweni Nomlingani Wakho Wesikhathi Eside, Yenza Lezi Zinto
Ukuvuselela Inkontileka
Noma ngabe usemshadweni, ubambiswano lomphakathi, noma olunye uhlobo lobudlelwano, kungenzeka kakhulu ukuthi kube nezinhloso ezithile futhi imingcele sezisunguliwe.
Kungenzeka uthathe isinqumo sokusebenzela injongo eyodwa ndawonye (njengokuthenga indlu), futhi nibe nemithetho yomuntu siqu edinga ukuhlonishwa (njengokuthola isikhathi se-X senu ngosuku oluthile).
Kodwa… kwenzekani lapho izinhloso nezifiso zomuntu ziguquka?
Ngabe kubaluleke kakhulu ukuqhubeka nokufaka inkontileka osayine eminyakeni edlule uma ungumuntu ohlukile manje?
Wazi kanjani ukuthi omunye umuntu usatshaliwe kule nhloso futhi?
Okulula. Ukhuluma nabo.
Cabanga leso simo sokuthenga indlu umzuzu. Ake sithi lapho behlangana ndawonye, izithandani zanquma ukuthi zizokonga imali ukuze zithenge indlu.
Njengoba iminyaka isihambile, omunye wabo uyazi ngokweqiniso ukuthi abafuni ngempela ukuthenga ikhaya nokuzinza okwamanje: kungcono bachithe unyaka bezungeza umhlaba… kepha abamtsheli umlingani wabo ukuthi, ngenxa yegoli abazibophezele ndawonye.
… Okwamanje, bengazi, umlingani wabo uzizwa ngendlela efanayo.
BANGAKHETHA ukuthatha ikhefu lonyaka benze konke ukuhamba ndawonye, kodwa abafuni ukusho lutho ngokwesaba ukucasula othandekayo wabo, ukuzibeka engozini yokulimala nokuxabana namandla Nqamula .
Ngakho-ke bobabili baqhubekela phambili ngokumomotheka okungamanga nomdlandla ophoqelelwe, bebheka ukufakwa kuhlu kwezindlu esikhundleni sezincwajana zokuhamba. Bobabili balusizi, futhi lolo sizi lungaphenduka uqhekeko esikhathini esizayo esingekude kakhulu.
Uma bevele bekhuluma bodwa ngokuthi bazizwa kanjani ngempela, bangenza uhambo abafuna ukulwenza bobabili futhi bajabule ngempela - benza ngqo lokho izinhliziyo nemiphefumulo yabo abakukhathazayo, ndawonye.
Iqiniso Elibi Kakhulu Lingcono Kunamanga Amabi
Wake wayizwa inkulumo ethi, “Lokhu ngaphezu kwakho konke: kuwe yiba neqiniso”?
Kubaluleke ngempela ukuhlala ngokweqiniso, kepha abantu abaningi (mhlawumbe iningi) abakwenzi.
Bafaka izifihla-buso futhi bagcine ubuhlakani ukuze bajabulise abanye abantu. Ukugcina ukubonakala, gcina abanye benethezekile kokuqukethwe kwabo amabhamuza amancane, sonke lesi sikhathi befela ngaphakathi ngoba baphila amanga.
Ukwethembeka mayelana nokuthi ungubani nokuthi yini oyidingayo kukhulula kakhulu, futhi empeleni kunganciphisa zonke izinhlobo zobunzima obungokomzwelo nobungokwengqondo.
Impela, nakanjani kuzoba nokuwa okungekuhle, kepha lokho kudlula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Okushiyile nenkululeko yokuba yilokho oyikho ngempela, futhi uphishekele lokho okudingayo ngempela ukwenza umphefumulo wakho ukhanye.
Mayelana nokuthi lokhu kungabuthinta kanjani ubudlelwano bakho, ungahle ubhekane nanoma yini kusuka esifisweni esibuhlungu sokushintsha imisebenzi noma ukubuyela esikoleni, isidingo sokuguqula ubulili uye kulowo ocabanga ukuthi ukufanele.
Ukuqhubekela phambili empilweni engasakulungeli akukuhle kuwe noma kulabo ohlanganyela nabo impilo yakho.
kusho ukuthini ukuzindla ngawe
Ozakwethu nezingane bangangena ekuphelelweni yithemba kwakho, futhi kubathinte nabo.
Noma ngabe uzizwa sengathi ugcina leso simo simi kahle impela, ngokungangabazeki kukhona ama-undercurrents agxambukela ngaphandle ezimpilweni zalabo abaseduze kwakho.
Ungamangala Kakhulu
Njengoba kushiwo, esinye sezizathu ezinkulu zokuthi kungani umuntu anganqikaza ukuxoxa ngalokho okungathathwa njengesihloko “esinzima” nomlingani wakhe kungenxa yokuthi besaba ukuthi bangaphendula kanjani.
Sivame ukucabanga ukuthi omunye umuntu uzosabela kanjani, kepha lokho kucabanga kuvame ukususelwa ekuthandeni komuntu siqu.
Ngokuyisisekelo, asazi ukuthi umuntu uzophendula kanjani esihlokweni noma esimweni esithile kuze kube yilapho sikhuluma ngaso.
Icala ngephuzu: umbhangqwana oshadile owawuhlala ndawonye ngesikhathi sokushintsha kobulili komlingani wesilisa (manje ongowesifazane). Kufanele ukuthi kwakucindezela kakhulu ukuthi umlingani othengisanayo avulele umkakhe ukuthi uzizwa kanjani, kepha wathola ukwesekwa okungenamkhawulo nokwamukelwa.
Ubudlelwano besikhathi eside budinga ukuguquka buguquke, funa bume. Eminye imibhangqwana ithola ukuthi iyajabula kakhulu uma iba ne-polyamorous, kanti eminye imibhangqwana ye-polyamorous ingase izame ukuba nomfazi oyedwa.
Umbhangqwana ohlale uklolodela ekukhuliseni izingane ungahle ufune ukuba ngabazali ngokuzumayo. Noma abantu bekati bangathanda ngasese ukuthanda ukuthola inja.
Abantu bakhula njalo futhi bayashintsha, noma ngabe kungokomzwelo, ngokomoya, ngokomzimba, noma ukuxuba kwakho konke lokhu okungenhla (nokuningi).
Ukulindela ubudlelwane ukuhlala buhlala njalo futhi kungashintshi ebusweni besihlabathi esiguquka njalo okungenangqondo .
Wena nomlingani wakho nithanda futhi hloniphanani . Ukunikezana ithuba lokuphila ngamaqiniso akho ayiqiniso, ngokuxhaswa nangokukhuthazana, kuyingxenye yalolo thando nenhlonipho.
Kuhle ukubanikeza ithuba lokuthi basukume futhi babe nguzakwethu abaziyo ukuthi bangaba yibo, noma ngabe izinto zingaxaka kancane ngezikhathi ezithile.
Akukhona lokho okwenzelwe abalingani?
Banikeze ithuba lokuba bababaze.
“Ingabe Uyajabula Ngendlela Izinto Eziyiyo?”
Lowo ngumbuzo onamandla ngendlela exakile-kodwa onzima ukubuza lowo omthandayo.
Kungenzeka ukuthi, uma bekhala izinyembezi lapho bebuzwa lokho, impendulo ingase ibe “cha.” Uma kungukuthi Cha, leli yithuba lokuyisingatha.
Empeleni, uma nobabili anijabule, lesi yisikhathi esikahle sokuthi nobabili nichithe zonke izinto zenu etafuleni nithole indlela yokuzihlunga ndawonye.
Uma usebudlelwaneni nomunye umuntu, kungenzeka kakhulu ukuthi isifiso sakho esikhulu esokujabula komunye nomunye.
Ngokuvuleka nokwethembeka, awunawo kuphela amathuba amakhulu okuthola injabulo yakho eyiqiniso: unekhono lokubasiza bafinyelele kwelabo.
Lezi zinkhulumomphendvulwano ezivulekile zikuvumela ukuthi uveze izihloko onomuzwa wokuthi zidinga ukubhekiswa ngothando lwakho (ngabanye), endaweni ephephile, enothando, futhi engahluleli.
