'Okuqinile' kanye 'nobuthakathaka' yizichasiso eziveza uhla lwezithombe ezahlukene zengqondo nokuchema noma ngabe siyakufuna noma cha.
Njengesibonelo, umuntu ophethe imihlangano emsebenzini ngokukhuluma ngaphezu kwabo bonke abanye angachazwa njengobuntu obuqinile, kanti empeleni bayisenzo nje sokulwa. Ngokuqhathanisa, umuntu othule ngokuvamile ogcina imibono yakhe kuye ngaphandle uma ebuzwa ngqo angazuza ukwedelelwa ngokuba nobuntu obuthakathaka, ngoba abamemezi kakhulu noma oqinisayo njengakuqala.
Amalebula afana nalawa asebenza ngendlela emangalisayo kubo bobabili laba bantu, ngenxa yezizathu eziningana.
Amandla Akuyona Into Ehle Njalo
Okokuqala, igama elithi 'onamandla' ngokuvamile licatshangelwa ukuthi liyancoma: amandla ayimfanelo abantu abaningi abenzelwe yona fisa uku , ngakho-ke lapho umuntu kuthiwa 'unobuntu obuqinile', lokho kuvame ukubhekwa njengento enhle. Lolu hlobo lokucabanga lungasungulwa ebuntwaneni, lapho ingane ephonsa izinto nabaphathi bezinye izingane ezungeze ivusa ukuhleka ngenxa yamandla abizwa ngomlingiswa wakhe.
Ukuziphatha okunjalo, lapho kufakwa, kuqiniswa njengokumukeleka ngokwesiko. Ama-extroverts athathwa njengama-superstars emsebenzini, nezenzo ezingachazwa njengezithi 'loud' futhi 'bossy' ebuntwaneni ziguqulela ekubeni 'oqinile' kanye 'nomholi omkhulu' lapho sebekhulile. Uyazi ukuthi lokho kuholelaphi? I-Narcissistic , iziqhwaga zezenhlalo ezibalekela ukuphatha abanye abantu njenge sh * t ngokuphelele ngoba bevunyelwe njalo ukwenza njalo.
Ukuziphatha abakubonisayo kungenzeka kungahlangene nakancane namandla wangempela ohlamvu - izici ezifana nobuqotho , isibindi, ukuhlonishwa, nokungenzeleli - nokuningi okuphathelene nokuma nokwesabisa. Kungenzeka kakhulu ukuthi abantu abanobudlova abasezikhundleni bafike lapho ngenxa yokubusisa kunokuzuza ngokwabo.
Kubalulekile futhi ukuqaphela ukuthi ilebuli 'yobuntu obuqinile' ivame ukusetshenziswa njengencazelo ehlambalazayo lapho isetshenziselwa owesifazane. Uma iqondiswa kumqashwa wesifazane, ngokwesibonelo, lelo ilebula lingasho ukuthi unolaka, unzima, futhi unombono ngokuyisisekelo, izici ezaziswa kontanga yakhe besilisa, kepha ziyalahlwa lapho ezibonisa.
Kukhona okunye ukudla komcabango, hmm?
Ubuthakathaka Obubonwayo
Ku-flipside yokwamukeleka kwamasiko umbono wokuba buthakathaka. Cabanga ngazo zonke izindlela lapho igama elithi “buthakathaka” (noma amagama afanayo) lisetshenziswe ezinkulumweni ezijivazayo, okukhombisa okungalungile. 'Isixhumanisi esibuthakathaka' yisiqephu esingenamsebenzi, esiphukile kuketanga, futhi nakanjani sizobangela ukuthi yonke into iwe. Umuntu 'onenkani ebuthakathaka' uthathwa njenge-flake entula ubuqotho kanye nekhono lokumelana nengcindezi encane.
Yini engasenza sicabange ukuthi umuntu ubuthakathaka, ngoba nje engenamlomo futhi ephikisana?
Labo abathule bangaqina kakhulu kunokuba ubungalindela. Indoda ekhulumela phansi emihlanganweni yebhizinisi kungenzeka ukuthi yafunda ukwenza lokho ngemuva kweminyaka ichithe ukunakekela umzali one-Alzheimer's noma ingane enokubambezeleka okukhulu kokukhula - kungenzeka ukuthi wahlangabezana nezimo ezazizophula omunye umuntu, kepha kunalokho wadlula ezivivinyweni zakhe ngomusa nesithunzi kuphelele. O, kodwa umnene futhi ukhulumela phansi, ngakho-ke kumele abe ngumuntu omnene futhi obuthakathaka. Ngakwesokudla?
Ngalelo thokheni elifanayo, abesifazane kucatshangwa ukuthi banobuntu obuthakathaka kunabesilisa ngoba iningi labo alizigomeli kaningi ngangokunokwenzeka. Noma kufanele. (Bona kunzima futhi kube nolaka ngaphezulu.)
Abantu abangazideli nabanikelayo kunokufuna ngenkani nobugovu bavame ukubonwa njengababuthakathaka, nezimpawu ezinjengobubele no uzwela zivame ukugconwa. Lokho kusho okuningi ngathi njengesiko, akunjalo? Emphakathini wethu wanamuhla waseNtshonalanga, ubudlwangudlwangu kanye nokuthambekela kwezenhlalo kuyanconywa futhi kutuselwe amandla abo, kanti ukuthobeka nomusa kuyaklolodelwa.
Okuthunyelwe okuhlobene (i-athikili iyaqhubeka ngezansi):
- Izimpawu eziyi-13 Unobuntu obuqinile obungahle busabise abanye abantu
- Izingibe eziyi-12 Zokuba Nobuntu Oqinile
- 18 Imithetho Yomfazi Oqinile
- Izimpawu Ezingu-9 Unobuntu Obuhlanya Obuhlanya Kepha Zibukeka Zibuhle Ngempela
- Izici Ezinhlanu Zobuntu 'Ezimbi' Eqinisweni Ezinelining Esiliva
- Izici eziyi-9 Zesifazane Oyiqiniso we-Alpha
Amandla Nobuthakathaka Imvamisa Akuhlangene Nokuziphatha
Ukuthi umuntu unjani ngempela ngaphakathi akubonakali njalo ngendlela aziphatha ngayo.
Cabanga ngale ndlela: izinja ezincane ze-yappy zizokhonkotha futhi zihwithe futhi zihlwithe emaqakaleni abo bonke abantu ababazungezile ngoba banolaka ukwedelela okuyinkimbinkimbi kanye nesidingo sokufakazela ukuthi banzima kangakanani. Ama-Wolfhounds, ngokuqhathanisa, azolile futhi athule ngaphandle uma ephoqelelwa ezimweni ezimbi kakhulu. Azikhonkothi noma aziphuzeli abantu ngoba abazizwa benesidingo sokwenza kanjalo.
Kuyafana nakubantu abaningi: okuncane (okungadidaniswa nokuncane ngomqondo ongokomzimba) amaphuphu anezichips emahlombe awo avame ukuzulazula enze konke okusemandleni isiqhwaga abanye ngenhloso yokubonisa ukufaneleka kwabo. Labo abaphephe ngokwabo futhi abangawona ama-megalomaniacs ngokuvamile baneliseka ngokuthula ngaphandle uma benokuthile okufanele bakusho. Ababuthakathaka 'banelisekile yilokho abayikho futhi abazizwa benesidingo sokuklabalasa nokuma komzimba ukufakazela ukubaluleka kwabo.
Ngokuzayo lapho ucabanga ukwahlulela ubuntu bomuntu njengobuthakathaka noma obuqinile, zinike isikhashana ukukala ngempela imibandela osekele kuyo imicabango yakho. Lokho okubonayo ukuba yiqiniso, nokuthi yini eyiqiniso ngempela, akufani ngempela.
Ake sicabangele kabusha amalebula ebesikade siwashaya kubantu isikhathi eside kakhulu, bese sibona ukuthi singakwazi yini ukufika nezincazelo ezifaneleke kancane.
Mhlawumbe esikhundleni sokukhuluma ngobuntu 'obuqinile', singasebenzisa amagama ahlukile, kuya ngezincazelo esizama ukuzidlulisa. Uma umuntu ephethe ngendlela engamangalisi, amagama anjengokuthi “onamandla” noma “obusa ngamandla” angahle afanele. Uma indlela abaziphethe ngayo iyancomeka, khona-ke “ukuzimisela” kanye “nokuphoqelela” kuzosebenza kahle ukubachaza.
Ngokufanayo, kunokuba sisebenzise elithi 'buthakathaka' njengesiphawulo uma singazami ukugxeka umuntu, singasebenzisa amagama anjengokuthi 'mnene' noma 'onenhlonipho' noma 'onomusa'. Uma sizama ukuchaza ubuntu obungenakho ukuzethemba, mhlawumbe okuthi 'amenable' noma 'ukwesaba' kungahle kukufanele.