Izwe lama-narcissists´ liyinkimbinkimbi. Isiphazamiso ababhekene naso sidida abantu ababazungezile ukuthi kwenzekani. Ukuziphatha abakukhulisayo kukhetheke kangangoba kunesilulumagama esithile esidingekayo ukuze sikuqonde.
Nayi imisho eyisithupha evela 'olimini lweNarcissus' ukuze ukwazi ukuqonda kangcono indlela abaziphatha ngayo futhi uyichaze nakwabanye.
ongakhuluma ngakho nomngani wakho
Isaladi Yezwi
Le nkulumo isetshenziselwa ukuchaza uchungechunge lwamagama angaxhumani komunye nomunye ngaphakathi komongo noma inkulumo, futhi angahlobene nombuzo noma ingxoxo abavela kuyo.
Umsuka wawo uvela ekufundweni kwengqondo, echaza ukuthi abantu abahlushwa i-schizophrenia kwesinye isikhathi bakhuluma kanjani. Bazama ukwenza imisho nokuziveza, kepha ubuchopho abukwazi ukucubungula nokusebenzisa isi syntax esifanele. Iziqeshana nje zemishwana engenangqondo kakhulu.
Kungani abakwa-narcissist beyisebenzisa?
- Kubukeka sengathi baphendula umbuzo - ngiyakhuluma, uyakhuluma - noma bengayazi impendulo. Kuqinisekisa ukuthi bathola igama lokugcina. Ukuncintisana okukhulu bangashintsha noma yini ibe ngumncintiswano. Yi-ping pong yomlomo, hhayi abantu abadala ababili abanengxoxo ejwayelekile.
- Ilawula isimo sesisulu futhi idala ukudideka. Ngokungaqondakali kwabo kwezilimi, bafaka ukungaqiniseki nokungabi nalusizo kulowo ohlukunyezwayo ukuze banikele futhi bavulekele ukusikisela. Iningi lama-narcissist linolwazi lwemvelo mayelana ulusebenzisa kanjani ulimi ukukhohlisa futhi bafake isisulu sabo esimweni lapho yena “ebenzela khona umusa” (Kubukeka sengathi bonke bafunda esikoleni esisodwa ukuyofunda lezi zinto).
- Ngokucasulwa okusobala kwezimo ezingezinhle, ukuqala izinto kumuntu ohlukunyeziwe, ukuthi ungumuntu omubi, ongathembekile, oziphethe kabi,… bazocasula isisulu kuze kufike ezingeni lokuthi sizogqashuka silwe.
Izinkawu Ezindizayo
Leli gama laqanjwa endaweni yesehlakalo se-movie ethi 'The Wizard of Oz,' lapho umthakathi omubi ethumela khona izinkawu zakhe ezindizayo ukuba zihluphe uDorothy.
Izinkawu ezindizayo yilabo bantu abasetshenziswa yi-narcissist njengamathuluzi ukuze bathole lokho abakufunayo. Uma, ngokwesibonelo, i-narc ifuna ukuqala umkhankaso wokugcona isisulu, izosebenzisa izinkawu ezindizayo ukuba zenze umsebenzi ongcolile, njengokusabalalisa amanga, ukuxhaphaza noma ukuhlukumeza isisulu.
Kunezinhlobo ezimbili zezinkawu ezindizayo: lena engenangqondo kakhulu futhi engakholwa ngokukhohlisa amanga omuntu obuza ngezinto ezingekho emthethweni, nalowo onobuqili ohlela ukuthola inzuzo kumuntu othanda izinto ezingekho emthethweni. Izinkawu ezindizayo imvamisa zingumndeni noma abangane bomuntu oziqhenya ngokuthwebula izinto.
I-Dissonance Yokuqonda
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uLeon Festinger uqale wachaza umbono we-dissonance engqondweni. Kusho umbono wokungahambelani phakathi kwemicabango emibili kanyekanye engaba nomthelela omubi ezimeni zengqondo noma ekuziphatheni.
Izisulu ziba nengcindezi ehlala njalo ebuchosheni bazo ngokuthola imiyalezo emibili ehlukile futhi ephikisanayo ngasikhathi sinye. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uhlangothi olungokomzwelo lobuchopho (obeludakwe ngokweqile yi-oxytocin overdose thanda amabhomu ) uthi i-narcissist ingumuntu omuhle, othandekayo, onenzuzo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uchungechunge lwamaqiniso luholela umuntu esiphethweni esizwakalayo sokuthi lo narcissist uqamba amanga, uyabakhohlisa, uyabasebenzisa futhi uyabahlaza.
Imiphumela ejwayelekile yokungaqondakali kwengqondo ukucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, ukusola, intukuthelo, ukukhungatheka kanye / noma amahloni. Imvamisa, izisulu ziwela ekuzikhohliseni ukuze ziyeke ukuzwa lolo cindezelo. Lapho kutshalwa isikhathi nesikhathi nemizwa ebudlelwaneni (ngokwesibonelo, ake sithi isisulu sishadile futhi sinengane nodokotela wezinkanuko), kulapho isisulu sizothambekela kakhulu ekuzikhohliseni ukuze sithethelele ukuziphatha futhi siyeke i-dissonance yokuqonda.
shawn michaels vs hulk hogan
Ngokuyisisekelo, bazokhiqiza imicabango emisha (baziqambele amanga) ukuze banxephezele, futhi babhale ngaphezulu, leyo ephazamisayo.
Impongo KaSuzi Nomfana Wegolide
I-narcissist ayinazo izingane zokuzibonisa uthando olungenamibandela, njengoba kwenza noma yimuphi ubaba noma umama ojwayelekile. Umbulali unezingane ukuze athole umthombo omusha wokuhlinzekwa kwezidakamizwa.
AbakwaNarcissist bakhomba izingane zabo, futhi abaziboni njengabantu, kepha njengezandiso nje zabo. Izingane zomzali othanda ukukhwabanisa azilutholi uthando, kepha ubushiqela obufihliwe njengokuvunywa noma ukungamukelwa. Emndenini lapho kukhona ubaba noma umama oyisidlwangudlwangu, izingane zizodlala indima, ezokwabiwa ngumqaphi: umfana wegolide nembuzi yomsolwa.
Umfana wegolide uyingane eyintandokazi yombhali wezincwadi, ozoba yisibonakaliso sakhe uqobo. Kumzali we-narcissistic, umfana wegolide uphelele, uhlala enza konke kahle, akanaphutha futhi akawenzi amaphutha. Umbulali uphatha, athambise, futhi avikele ingane yegolide, noma ngabe uziphatha kabi. Ingane yegolide ifunda, iqala lapho isencane, ukufuna ukwelashwa okukhethekile, ukusola abanye ngamaphutha ayo, ukukhohlisa nokuqamba amanga, yazi ukuthi ngeke bajeziswe ngumzali wayo oyisidina inqobo nje uma / uyalalela amdumise.
Imbuzi ye-Azazeli yingane ezondwa kakhulu ngumqaphi izimvu ezimnyama zomndeni. Umbulali ucabanga ukuthi imbuzi yomsolwa yenza konke okungahambi kahle njengesihlubuki esingenabubele. Le ngane, ngokungafani nengane yegolide, inephutha kuzo zonke izinkinga zomndeni. Ubaba noma umama oyisidlwangudlwangu uzogxeka, athobise, akholise futhi asole imbuzi yomsolwa, noma ngabe le ngane ayenzi lutho olubi.
Ukufunda okubaluleke kakhulu kwe-narcissist (i-athikili iyaqhubeka ngezansi):
- AmaMaski ayisi-6 amaNarcissist angagqoka (nokuthi ungawabeka kanjani)
- Izinto eziyi-8 i-Narcissist Angeke ikwenzele zona (Noma Noma ngubani Omunye)
- Ungabhekana Kanjani Ne-Narcissist: Ukuphela Kwendlela Okuqinisekisiwe Ukusebenza
- Ngabe Uyiphutha iMachiavellianism YeNarcissism?
- Ukuqinisekiswa Kwempilo Kwezisulu Zokuhlukunyezwa KwamaNarcissistic
- Ukususwa komuntu: Indlela YamaNarcissists Nama-Sociopaths Ukuphatha kabi Abanye
Ukuhambisa phezulu
Igama elithi 'hoovering' livela kulolo hlobo olwaziwayo lwe-vacuum cleaner. Kuyindlela yokukhohlisa esetshenziswa ngumqaphi ukubuyisa isisulu sakhe (izisulu) sakhe, ukubabuyisela empilweni yakhe ukuphathwa kabi ngokomzwelo .
Uma kwenzeka uhileleka kumuntu osebenzisa izinto zobuciko, lungela ukuqonda futhi ubhekane nalesi sigaba sokukhohlisa njengengxenye yobudlelwano bakho. I-Hoovering ingenzeka ezinyangeni ezimbalwa ngemuva kokuthi i-narcissist ikushiye (noma uhlukene nayo), noma kwesinye isikhathi kungadlula iminyaka ngaphambi kokuthi ikufune futhi izame ukukubuyisela emuva.
ungalimaza kanjani umuntu othanda ukucasula
Lezi ezinye zezibonelo zokuhambisa (ukudala kakhulu, njengoba ubona):
- Uthola umyalezo othi bakhathazekile ngawe: Ufuna ukwazi ukuthi unjani, uzizwa kanjani, uma ucindezelekile, udabukile, njll. Ukhohlisa ukuthi uzobheka ukuthi ungaphinde uwe yini bese ubuyela emuva kuye.
- Uxhumana ngokungathi akwenzekanga lutho: “Unjani? Kade wenzani?' Unitshela izinto esezike zehlela kuye ngathi bekungekho obekuqhubeka phakathi kwenu nobabili. Uyakubiza noma akuthumele imiyalezo ngosuku lwakho lokuzalwa, ngoKhisimusi, noma ngezinye izinsuku ezibalulekile.
- Ukuphathwa kabi nezinkampani zangaphandle (okungukuthi izingane): 'Ngiyazi ukuthi uyangizonda, kodwa tshela umshana wakho ukuthi angikwazi ukuya ngosuku lwakhe lokuzalwa, kodwa ngimthanda kakhulu.'
- Unomdlavuza, uphethwe yisifo sohlangothi, noma ufuna ukuzibulala. Lokhu kuyisisekelo se-narcissist. Uhlola ukuthi usabakhathalele kangakanani, ukubona ukuthi uyagijimela yini ukubasiza. Kufana nengane encane ehlaselayo, ebheka ukuthi ukumemeza ngokuzwakalayo kuholela yini ekunakeni abakufisayo.
- Imilayezo obekufanele ngabe yenzelwe omunye umuntu: bathumela imilayezo kuwe 'ngephutha,' njengoba 'kuthiwa' beyenzelwe omunye umuntu (umlingani omusha, ngokwesibonelo) ukuvusa impendulo noma ukudala umona.
- Imiphefumulo engamawele: bayakuthinta bakutshele ukuthi ungumphefumulo wabo abangamawele, ukuthi wenzelwe omunye nomunye, ukuthi uyohlale uluthando lwempilo yakhe, ukuthi awusoze wamthola umuntu onjengaye, ukuthi owawunalo kwakuwuthando olumsulwa. URomeo ubukeka njengejeje uma uqhathanisa nabo.
Ukukhanyisa igesi
Le yiphethini yokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo esetshenziswa ngumuntu osebenzisa izihlukumezi lapho isisulu sisebenza khona ukuze sizenze singabaze umbono waso, ukwahlulela noma inkumbulo yaso. Yenzelwe ukwenza isisulu sizizwe sikhathazekile, sididekile, noma sicindezelekile.
Umsuka waleli gama uvela kumabhayisikobho aseBrithani ango-1940 abizwa nge- “Gaslight” aqondiswa nguThorold Dickinson, asuselwa engxenyeni yeshashalazi uGesi Light eyabhalwa nguPatrick Hamilton (owaziwa njengo-Angel Street e-USA). Ku-movie, owesilisa uxhaphaza umkakhe ukuze amenze acabange ukuthi uyahlanya ukuze entshontshe inhlanhla yakhe ayifihlile.
Ufihla izinto ezinjengezithombe namatshe ayigugu, ngenkathi emenza acabange ukuthi nguyena onomthwalo wemfanelo, kepha usekhohliwe ngakho. Leli gama lisho ukukhanya kwegesi okusetshenziswa ngumyeni ekamelweni elisophahleni ngenkathi efuna ingcebo efihliwe. Owesifazane ubona amalambu, kepha umyeni uphikelela ukuthi uyazicabanga.
Ezinye izibonelo zokukhanyiswa kwegesi ngu-narcissist yilezi:
Amahemuhemu anzima ngokwanele kaSara lee
- Ukuzenza ongaqondi ukuthi uthini isisulu noma ukwenqaba ukulalela.
- Ukuphika lokho akusho, ngisho nasemizuzwini embalwa edlule, bese kamuva esola isisulu ngokungalokothi simlalele.
- Ukushintsha isihloko sithi akafuni ukukhuluma ngalokho (noma ngabe bekhuluma ngokunye okuthile ngokuphelele).
- Isola iqembu elihlukumezekile ngokuba nomcabango oweqile nokuthi 'lihlala emafwini.'
- Isola elinye iqembu ngokuba nomona, impahla , efuna ngenkani,… lapho uzama ukuguqula ingxoxo ukuze afihle okuthile akwenzile.
- Ukugaya isisulu simtshela ukuthi imibono yaso iyahlekisa futhi iyingane.
- Ukuzama ukuhlukanisa umuntu ohlukunyeziwe ngokumtshela ukuthi ukholelwa kakhulu kulokho okushiwo abanye abantu kunalokho akushoyo. Uzozikhohlisa azizwe elimele futhi ekhashelwe. Ukuhlukaniswa yilokho okufunwa ngumqaphi ukuze isisulu sincike kuye kuphela.
- Ukuphika izinto abathi empeleni bazisho: “Angikaze ngikuthembise / ngikushilo lokho.”
Funda kabanzi: Ukukhanyisa ngegesi: Izibonelo ezingama-22 zalesi Senzo Sokuhlukumeza Ngesihluku ck
Uma kwenzeka unaka lezi zinhlobo zokuziphatha kothile osondelene nawe (emsebenzini, umlingani wakho, umngane, umuntu omjwayele,…) kuhlehlehle kancane kancane bese uzinika isikhathi sokuhlaziya lo muntu, hhayi lokho akushoyo , kodwa kulokho akwenzayo nokuthi uzizwa kanjani phakathi kwabo.
Umzimba wakho ohlakaniphile uzokuxwayisa ukuthi usengozini yokuba sesimweni sokukhathazeka, ukungahlaliseki, ukungalali kahle, ukungabi nemizwa, ukukhathala, ukukhala ngokungazelele,… Uma lo muntu eyi-narcissist ngempela, ubhekene nomuntu usebenza ngokuzikhandla ngokumelene nawe, futhi lokho kuzozama ngazo zonke izindlela ukukuqinisekisa ngokuhlukile.
Manje usungabona noma iyiphi yalezi zinto eziyisithupha ebudlelwaneni (obudlule noma obukhona) empilweni yakho? Ngabe le ndatshana ikusizile ukuthi uqonde kangcono izindlela zalowo osebenza ngezidakamizwa? Shiya amazwana ngezansi ngemicabango yakho.
