Ingabe ulwela ukuthola ukuthula nenjabulo?
Abantu abambalwa bayakwenza.
Umhlaba ugcwele abantu abangajabule kakhulu futhi abafuna njalo indlela yokuletha ukukhanya ezimpilweni zabo.
Izindaba kanye nemithombo yezokuxhumana zikhulisa izinhlangothi zobumnyama nezesabekayo zesintu futhi impilo inzima kubantu abaningi.
Ingxenye ebalulekile ye- ukuthola ukuthula kwakho futhi injabulo ukuqonda ukuthi kungani uzizwa ngaleyo ndlela futhi ufunda ukulawula indlela ophendula ngayo emhlabeni.
Abantu abaningi bachitha isikhathi sabo behlupheka ngezinto ezingalawuleki ngokuphelele. Noma, njengoba u-Epictetus akubeka kahle…
Abantu abaphazanyiswa izinto, kepha yimibono abayithathayo.
Ulimi oluvamile manje olusetshenziselwe ukubhekisa kunoma imuphi umcimbi odonsa imizwa yi- 'trigger emotional' noma 'trigger' - futhi lokho kuyishwa.
Kuyishwa ngoba igama elithi inhlamvu, esimeni sempilo engokwengqondo nengokomzwelo, belijwayele ukubhekisa esimweni noma ezimeni ezingadala umcimbi ophazamise kakhulu kumuntu onesifo sengqondo, ukuphazamiseka, noma okunye ukungasebenzi.
Esikhundleni salokho, kukhethwe ngokuhlanganyela ngumphakathi ojwayelekile ukubhekisa kunoma yimiphi imizwa engakhululekile umuntu angaba nayo.
Lokhu kwenza kube nzima kakhulu kubantu abanezinkinga zokukhathazeka, i-bipolar disorder, i-PTSD, nezinye izifo zengqondo noma ukungasebenzi kahle okunezimbangela okufanele zithathwe ngokungathi sína.
Mhlawumbe uzwile othile esho into efana nokuthi, 'Kungani ususwe kangaka?' ephendula ukuthukuthela.
Ake sibheke inqubo elula, kodwa engeyona elula, yokuhlonza, yokuqonda, kanye neyokunqoba.
1. Uzofuna incwajana noma iphephabhuku ozosebenzela kulo.
Isinyathelo sokuqala ukuthola incwadi yokubhalela noma iphephabhuku. Kuhlale kungumbono ongcono ukubhala ngesandla lapho Ijenali yezempilo yengqondo ngoba inikeza umphumela wokwelapha ongcono kunokuthayipha.
Isenzo sokubhala sihamba kancane, esikunikeza isikhathi esithe xaxa sokucabanga nokucubungula njengoba usebenza zwakalisa indlela ozizwa ngayo futhi kungani.
Ngokuqinisekile uzobuyela emuva bese ungeza kwijenali yakho njengoba isikhathi siqhubeka futhi usebenza ngezinto. Qiniseka ukuthi isendaweni ephephile noma ukuthi abantu abangahloniphi ubumfihlo bakho abakwazi ukukuthola.
2. Thola izinkomba ezingokomzwelo ngokubheka izikhathi eziguquguqukayo zempilo yakho.
Indawo engcono ukuqala ukubheka izinto ezingakucasula ngokomzwelo iseduze kwezimo eziguquguqukayo, ezinzima, futhi kubuhlungu izikhathi zempilo yakho.
Ngemuva kwakho konke, imizwa ehlotshaniswa nalezo zimo imvamisa ithathwa kumcimbi ohlangabezane nawo.
Lapho uzilandisa ngokwakho umcimbi, uzofuna ukubhala amanothi wokuthi imiphi imizwa obukade uyizwa ngaphambi, ngesikhathi nangemva komcimbi.
Uhlelo olufanayo lungasebenza ngokufanayo ekufuneni izimbangela zokugula kwengqondo.
3. Khomba izinkolelo zakho noma izinhloso zakho.
Yakha uhlu lwezinkolelo zakho nemibono yakho, bese ubheka ukuphendula ukuthi kungani le mizwa ingekho.
Kungani ukholwa yilokho okwenzayo? Kungani uzizwa okwenzayo?
Impendulo yokuthi, 'Awu, yilokho kuphela engikukholelwayo' akusizi ngempela noma ukuthi ufunani.
Izinkolelo nemibono kuvame ukuqhutshwa yimizwa noma isimo, njengemibono yezepolitiki eyenziwe ngendlela umuntu azizwa ngayo futhi azizwa ngayo ngempilo.
Ukuchaza ukuthi kungani uzizwa ngendlela owenza ngayo kuzokunika ukucaciseleka ngokwengeziwe esimeni sakho somzwelo nokuqonda okwengeziwe ngalokho okudala imizwa yakho.
Ungahle uthande (i-athikili iyaqhubeka ngezansi):
- Ungayilawula Kanjani Imizwelo Yakho Ezimweni Ezidinga Ikhanda Elipholile
- Izinto eziyi-12 okufanele uzenze lapho uzizwa uthukuthele
- Ungayiqeda Kanjani Idrama Empilweni Yakho
- Ungakuyeka Kanjani Ukuthukuthela: Izigaba Ezi-7 Ezisuka Ekufuthekeni Ukuze Zikhishwe
- Izindlela Ezi-6 Zokusondela Ekuguqukeni Kokuguquguquka Kwesimo Komlingani Wakho
4. Thola futhi uchaze izinkolelo ezincane ezingokomzwelo onazo.
Yini ekucasulayo? Yini ekulethela ukwaneliseka ? Uhlushwa yini? Yini ekulethela injabulo?
Okugxilwe kulesi sigaba ukukhomba nokuhlola imizwa emincane esiza ukukwenza ube yilokho ukuze ukwazi ukwakha isithombe esicacile, esihlanganisa indawo yakho yezemizwa.
Ekuqondeni lezo zinto ezincane, ungathola ukuthi zisiza ukondla imibono yakho yonke kanye nokuphendula okungokomzwelo esimweni esithile.
5. Qala ukuzibuza ukuthi 'kungani' lapho uhlangabezana nokusabela okungokomzwelo.
Okuqaphelekayo ngesintu ukuthi abantu banelisekile ukuzwa nje noma yini ubuchopho babo obuzama ukubenza bazizwe. Abazi ngempela noma abanendaba nokuthi kungani bezizwa ngendlela ethile, bayazi nje ukuthi yilokho abakuzwayo futhi lokho kubalungele ngokwanele.
Ukuhlonza ukuthi kungani okwedlule kungakusiza ukuthi uzibone njengamanje futhi uzulazule ngempumelelo enkulu esikhathini esizayo.
Uma wazi umzuzwana kusuka esikhathini esedlule ukukuzwisa ubuhlungu kakhulu, ungathola indlela engcono yokuhamba ngayo uma uzithola esikhathini esizayo.
Lokho akusikiseli ukuthi kufanele ube nesimo sokugwema. Kunabantu abangathatha lolo lwazi balusebenzise ukwenza konke okusemandleni abo ukuziqhelelanisa nezinto ezibakhathazayo noma ezibaphazamisayo, kodwa leyo yindlela embi ngoba ingaqinisa imizwa engemihle.
Ikhono lokuzwa imizwa yakho nokuyisebenzisa kubalulekile, ngoba ngeke uhlale unenketho yokuyigwema ngaso sonke isikhathi.
6. Qinisekisa ukuthi kungani kungani kukhombisa iqiniso.
Baningi abadali bokuqukethwe, izitolo zezindaba, nezingosi zokuxhumana nabantu ezisebenzisa ukwesaba nentukuthelo njengezindlela zokugcina izilaleli zabo zixhumekile futhi zilandela.
Basebenzisa ukwesaba, intukuthelo nokungavikeleki kwakho ukukhulisa izinkinga ngendlela ezokugcina ubuya ukuzobuka ukusakazwa kwabo, ufunde amagama abo, noma uthenge imikhiqizo yabo. Lokho kufaka ukusebenzisa ukuhlanekezela okuwela endaweni empunga, ye-quasi-ethical.
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Kunezindlela eziningi zokukhuluma iqiniso kuya ngokuthi ukhetha maphi amagama. Ezinye izethulo zikhohlisa kakhulu kunezinye.
Kuyafaneleka ukuhlola kabili izinsiza ezengeziwe nokusetshenziswa inqubo yokucabanga okunzulu ukuqinisekisa ukuthi noma isiphi isimangalo noma isenzo esikhuthaza imizwa kuwe siyiqiniso futhi sithembekile. Ungathola ukuthi akukhona ukumelwa okuthembekile kwamaqiniso.
Lokho kungahluka ezintweni umngane wakho akutshela zona, ama-memes abiwe ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, nokuthi umphathi wakho ukugxeka kanjani, kulokho ihange lezindaba elikutshela khona.
7. Yiba nesineke uqhubeke nokusebenza enkingeni.
Inkinga enkulu kule ndlela ukubekezela. Umhlaba uyindawo esheshayo futhi abantu babekezela kancane kancane ngosuku.
Ngeshwa, lokho akuhambisani nokusebenza kwempilo yakho yengqondo nengokomzwelo. Kuyinqubo yesikhathi eside engathatha izinyanga noma iminyaka yomzamo ukuze iphumelele.
Yinto okufanele usebenze kuyo njalo futhi uyijwayeze ukusiza ukuphumula nokudambisa izimo zempilo ezikukhuthazayo.
Kubantu abanezifo zengqondo, leyo mizamo ingadinga ukuthi yenzeke ngokubambisana nokwelashwa noma imithi. Awukwazi ukucabanga ngaphandle kobuchopho obungenampilo noma i-chemistry yomzimba.
8. Ziveze ezimweni ezibangela imithamo emincane.
Ngabe ungene shí kubhavu oshisayo? Hhayi ngokuvamile.
Esikhundleni salokho, ungena ngonyawo olulodwa, ulethe olunye unyawo, bese uzicwilisa kancane kubhavu ukuze unikeze umzimba wakho isikhathi sokujwayela ushintsho lwethempelesha.
Ukusebenza ngezimbangela zomuntu kufana ncamashi.
Lapho usuqonde lokho okuzwayo, kungani uzizwa, nokuthi ungakulinganisa kanjani, uzofuna ukufaka unyawo lwakho emanzini ngezikhathi ezithile ukuze ukwazi ukuqaqa nokunciphisa leyo mizwa ukuze ungabe usaba khona ilawulwa yibo.
Njengomuntu one-Bipolar Disorder kanye ne-Major Depression, lezi yizinto engizifundile nezinqubo engizilandele ekusebenzeni ukuze ngixazulule ezami izingcindezi ezingokomzwelo.
Angifuni muntu wesilisa, owesifazane, isimo, noma ukugula kwami kwengqondo ukuba namandla okuphazamisa ukuthula kwami. Kuyavunywa, lowo akuyona inhloso ephelele noma engekho. Ngisho nokwenza izinguquko ezimbalwa kungakuthuthukisa kakhulu ukuthula kwakho kwengqondo nekhwalithi yempilo.
Ungakhathazeki ngokukuthola kuphelele. Akekho owenzayo.
